HUMOUR AMONGST THE FRAUDS

While travelling through the sinister motions of the anti-smoking agenda, it is time for some fun. While having a good time, just keep in mind this: what is funny when it happens to others, may not be so when it happens to you! Make no mistake: the international "public health" crooks plan to make tobacco illegal. And unless it is stopped with whatever it takes, one day you will be arrested for "possession".
 

April 5, 2007 -Considerations for the mathematical mind - People trained to hate smoking and smokers are Big Antismoking Fools (BAF). BAF also applies the "Selective Input Process" (SIP) - that is, they only read information supporting what they already believe. Information to the contrary is dismissed right off, or read only to search for weaknesses and therefore confirm pre-existing belief.

That is particularly true when it comes to Big Pharma (BP).BAF hates BP almost as much as he hates Big Tobacco (BT).  That is because, in general, he hates Big Corporate (BC) as any good socialist shouldThat gets them to the point of envisioning a fascist future where Big State (BS) and Big Corporate BC will be happily married and finallyBS = BC.  In the eyes of BAF, in fact,  BS and BC would check each other out giving BAF no bullshit (BS) at all.  In reality, however, both BS and BC are equivalent to BS, and will jointly oppress BAF.

Today, BC (Big Corporate) = BP (Big Pharma), thus Bp (Big Pharma) x Bs (Big State) = BS square (BS2).

The universe of BAF can therefore be expressed by the equation:

BAF = BS2

-- Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

  • April 4, 2007  -Aging baby-boom bugbear speaks out: More dangerous than me, too! - Like a geriatric rocker in denial about aging and looking for a career face-lift, sixties scare-monger favorite LSD is back, and mad as hell about what he terms "kind of a slap in the face" from a UK health establishment that recently rated him below tobacco on the health scare charts.  The psychedelic accompaniment to the Summer of Love generation has been hiding out for awhile, but surfaced in London recently to tell reporters he was planning a come-back - and set to take on more trendy rivals like smoking, alcohol and tran-fats.

    "These new guys are fine, but I was doing this stuff long before they had the cache.  I mean, I'm the roots of the whole thing, at least for my generation.  Let's face it -  I had Timothy Leary, urban folktales, album covers inspired by me.  I even made Time Magazine," said LSD, adding that it was important for the public to realize that the new health scares "just don't have the same kind of soul that we did, ya know?  I had real people jumping off real rooftops after listening to the same Jefferson Airplane album for 48 hours in a row.  I mean, that was scary shit.  The new guys can't hold a candle to that.  But there's no sense of theatre any more.  It's all just ... kinda virtual and derivative, ya know?"

    LSD said it was important that Public Health and the medical establishment in general should get back to its roots in order to recognize where it's been and where it's going.  "You know, nothing can match Reefer Madness and the idea that marijuana leads to lesbianism and uncontrollable promiscuity.  I think having homosexuality on the index of mental illnesses was a good one, too.  Real mean before smoking ever got to be such an issue.  And let's not forget the granddaddy of 'em all - the health risk posed to the public by Jewishness in the Third Reich."

    "These gangsta rappers in Public Health gotta get a sense of history if they ever wanna mature in their craft."

    March 15, 2007-"One way to look at this is that Satan is handing us tools to combat Satan", says the god whilst cashing the dough - Slightly dated but fascinatingly illogical is this news about the quintessential expression of nihilistic culture incarnate:Philip Morris ponies up 20 million dollars - for "an innovative collaboration between the School of Medicine and the McIntire School of Co

    We are simply moved - by the absurd illogic of this. Think about it - please, really do: PM contributes to educating the youth not to buy cigarettes; it therefore pays for moulding a junk science-based cultural superstition about the "harms" of smoking. But there is more than that: Philip Morris pays money with the declared intent of creating the bases for its own bankruptcy. Let's bring this to its logical conclusions while trying to keep a straight face - not an easy task.

    Rationale - By undermining its own customer base and convincing the youth that "public health's" junk science is true and that "smoking kills", PM reverses its past position when it financed studies that undermined antitobacco's epidemiological junk science. As we know, with this kind of multifactorial epidemiological studies nothing can be scientifically proven but everything can be enumerated through opinion-based attributions. Acting this way PM wants to inspire trust in the stockholders which will pay more for its shares because PM "sanitizes" its image by kissing the butt of "public health" and stating that its product "kills". That in turn should inspire stockholders' confidence, since PM is telling the world that its product must not be purchased. If we follow the declared intents of PM, the logical conclusion can only be one: there will be profits and dividends by not selling cigarettes that nobody wants. As the product of two negatives is a positive, that should be read: there will be profits and dividends by selling cigarettes that everybody wants. In the meantime, PM's name made it again to newspapers' pages, and even to the pages of FORCES.

    Given a twisted culture with inverted values and an upside-down logic, all this looks as straight as an arrow. If you are now scratching your heads while smoking a cigarette, stop scratching your head becauseyour baldness will be "caused" by smoking - take the word of "public health" now confirmed by Philip Morris (or vice-versa). In the meantime, please note how graciously the gods of "public health education" take the satanic 20 million for the noble purpose of smoking "prevention". Did you still need a demonstration of the intellectual confusion, hypocrisy and moral/institutional perversion, today? We hope that you are happy now. Just don't buy Philip Morris cigarettes and stocks (buy the competition's), and make PM's declared dream come true.

  • January 29, 2007 - A concentrated dose of BS - As a public service we offer this brief advertisement that will fulfil your quota of pharmaceutical shilling.  After watching this you will not have to pay attention to the non-stop drug ads that pollute your television screen.  You will have heard it and seen it all in one easy session.  All you have to do is completely suspend belief and wrap yourself in a comfy cocoon of Big Pharma love.

  • January 18, 2007 -Benign Brainwashing - The holiday season may be just a memory but as we all can attest, it is never too early to prepare for Christmas.  In the spirit of benevolence and generosity we offer a superb marketing ploy for both Big Tobacco and Big Pharma.  These rapacious corporate rapscallions both can benefit from a new warm and fuzzy image so we hope they accept our gratis aid in retooling their tarnished image for Christmas 2007.

  • November 13, 2006 - Antis: what to expect - Interesting, humorous and very realistic chart published by The Smokers' Club on the usual and predictable chain of excuses and reactions about smoking bans. Useful for serious anti-ban activism as well as for a chuckle about the stupidity of human nature.

There is hope for the next generation and its feelings about antismoking nannies...

  • October 16, 2006 - This Bronx boy is #!$]% angry- "Not since the Continental Congress has anyone heard a speech so powerful and yet so eloquent as the gentleman in this video, telling us what he thinks about smoking bans. A must for anyone looking for insight as to what is going on with the issue!" Well, kinda...

    This New Jersey strip club owner is #!$]% angry about the smoking bans and - since he's apparently in a non-ban zone - he's inviting the world to come and visit his club. We can't help but wonder whether he's actually fighting the #!$]% smoking bans, or just video-trolling for new customers until the axe of a new ordinance falls! (Warning: strong #!$]% language).

  • September 24 - Is broccoli in or out this week? Does today's most recent study "raise concerns about" or find "promising" therapeutic effects for nicotine, carbs, mangos, sunlight, video games or even your favourite exercise?
     If you're tired of what you read and see in the Health and Lifestyle department of your newspaper or on TV, check out this one and settle your most pressing questions once and for all (the source for this piece is, alas, unknown).
     
     HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
     
     Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
     
     A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
     
     Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
      
     A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
     efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
     And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
     
     Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
     
     A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
     goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! 
     
     Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
     
     A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

  • GEORGE ORWELL
    August 5, 2005 - The Purification of Sesame Street - John Banzhaf, Hitler and Goebels join the good ol' Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch for fun, games and learning in the fit and fat-free 21st century! Follow the re-education of your favourite Sesame Street characters as the health regime straightens 'em up, in this new FORCES serial by Eric Blair.

  • March 20, 2005 - For the pious - A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon. 

    Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

    • The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
    • The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
    • The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
    • The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

    At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

    • The first worm in alcohol - dead.
    • Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
    • Third worm in sperm - dead.
    • Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive!

    So the Minister asked the congregation:  "What can you learn from this demonstration?

    A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said; "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms.

  • March 21, 2004 - When dreams come true- We now take you to the august chambers of the United States Congress where a heretic is examined by a notorious inquisitor.  One by one the modern Torquemada hurls questions at the heretic only to be met with a fusillade of clear-spoken rationality that blasts the inquisitor's pretenses to smithereens.

    We've all imagined an appearance before those whose intellect, understanding and morality are deficient yet still hold the reins of power.  We make mincemeat of their arguments, converting the fair-minded to the ways of the truth.  Such reveries are the stuff of a yearning to wipe away all the garbage that is smothering our society.  One author has imagined it perfectly, providing some excellent talking points, and has skewered two of the most repulsive anti-smokers whom everyone loves to hate.

  • November 7, 2003 - Americans Demand Increased Government Protection From Selves-  Alarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation that will protect them from their own behavior.

    "The government is finally starting to take some responsibility for the effect my behavior has on others," said New York City resident Alec Haverchuk, 44, who is prohibited by law from smoking in restaurants and bars. "But we have a long way to go. I can still light up on city streets and in the privacy of my own home. I mean, legislators acknowledge that my cigarette smoke could give others cancer, but don't they care about me, too?"

    Yes, it's satire but read it through completely and ask yourself this.  In five years, or less, will this take on the culture of hysteria be amusing or prophetic?

  • June 9, 2003 - Study finds Jack Shit - "BALTIMORE - A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit. 'I can't explain what happened,' head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. 'We meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result. Instead, we found out nothing.' "

    The always irreverent crew at The Onion have finally found discovered junkscience as a subject for satire. Does this mean the topic has finally come of age?

    March 5, 2003 - ... A TOUCH OF HUMOUR TO FIT THE TIMES
     

    CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO SEE IT LARGER IN A NEW WINDOW

    SMOKING TODAY

    (...or: what it takes to have the right to enjoy a cigarette indoors)

    Click on the image to see it larger in a new window.

  • September 17 - Smoke Gets In Their Eyes -  Speaking of silly, self-righteous losers, we bring to you a delightfully amusing piece about the anti-tobacco fanatics of today and their predecessors.  Cal Thomas' take on the futility of the war on tobacco is a few years old but it is more relevant now than then since it's becoming evident that, just like the anti-smoking agenda 90 years ago, this one too shall pass.

  • September 17 - Drop Your Smokes And Come Out With Your Hands Up

  • January 16, 2001 - UNITED STATES: CONGRESS APPROVES THE AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT- In these times of political correctness, when people affected by retardation are called "physically challenged", and the plain dumb renamed as "intellectually disadvantaged", the race is on to dumb down society to the lowest common intellectual denominator. Those do not comply with the trend are accused of discrimination. With such environment, it is only logical that a joke like this is widely circulated. The funny part is the joke itself. The sad part is that one third of the people the letter was sent to, has written back asking for more information.

  • YESTERDAY, revised today - November 26, 2000 - Sung to the tune of Yesterday song by the Beatles, here are some very contemporary lyrics by James Leavey. Let's have a laugh together!


    True portrait of anantismoker

  • MONKEYS HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE AN ANTISMOKER! -In its torrential flood of antismoking junk science and false information, ASH shows a (rare) veneer of humour. Not that ASH intends to be humorous, of course, since, like the rest of the miserable antismokers, they are incapable of that. In one of their latest posts (Monkeys Conduct Antismoking Campaign), however, we read: "Monkeys have once again risen to the occasion to fight evil." ... "A group of 14 monkeys can be found marching in a single file around the Sahara India building on Boring Road in Patna, keeping a strict vigil on smokers. The moment they see anyone smoking they pounce on the person and deliver a couple of tight slaps. These simians, who live in the AC ducts and pipes running in the building, seem to have set forth very strict rules against smoking."
     
     Thisis not the first time that ASH suggests violence against smokers - and that is the nature of the beast that is to be defeated. But this time, the evoked mood shifts from the usual disgust to a good, old-fashioned guffaw. Thanks, ASH...! Well, it all just seems to prove that you've got to be a real monkey to be an antismoker, doesn't it? May we suggest enrolment of those animals in the ASH activist list? The simians sure seem to have what it takes!

     

    HEIL HEALTH 2000 -- INTERVIEW WITH AL GORE:
    ANTITOBACCO -- "THE SKY WOULD BE THE LIMIT"
    Added
    January 12, 2000

    Gore speaking at the antismoking paradeWhat we report here is humorous -- but is it? If Al Gore is elected, smokers better start tattooing themselves.

    Surrounded by our satire, the bit in blue is what Gore actually said during an interview.

    Al Gore promises that you will be healthy -- healthy at all costs -- if you want to belong to the Health Supremacy Group that already leads the nation, and be a model for the youth of the regime. During an immense antismoking parade organised by major medical and health organisations, and in the presence of over 100,000 health activists aligned in perfectly square ranks, Mr. Goering (oops -- typo: Gore) promised the cleansing of America from the evil tobacco industry, that secretly pulls the strings of American economy, and from its subhuman followers.

    At the speech. Mr. Gore revealed the most recent junk data the sophisticated, powerful CDC computers could generate for the occasion.

    To the question: "If the Supreme Court strikes down the FDA's authority to regulate nicotine in cigarettes which people say could happen, would a Gore Administration push very hard and initiate legislation through Congress that would give the FDA authority to regulate tobacco?", Gore answered:

    "Sure. The answer is yes. I would aggressively pursue the authority for FDA to regulate nicotine. It is a drug. It's obviously a drug. It's more addictive, according to many scientists, it's more addictive than heroine or cocaine. And it certainly kills a lot more people. We lose more Americans to smoking every year than the total number of Americans who died in all of World War II alone. I mean if we were losing that many Americans to the actions of a foreign military power every year, what do you think we would do in response?"

    "The sky would be the limit. Yet we're taking this lying down because it's been ingrained in our culture, because of the billions of dollars in mental conditioning by the cigarette companies. It's the single largest cause of preventable death in the nation -- the single largest cause of preventable serious disease in the nation. And you bet I would seek to regulate nicotine as a drug."

    Faced with the opportunity to bypass once again the obsolete institutions of a worn out democracy, and being offered the prospect of healthy immortality by the Neo-Socialist state in return, the crowd was delirious. Antismoking banners of galactic dimensions were then dropped from the sky by several dirigibles ordered on the scene by Gro Harlem Brundtland of the World Health Order for the occasion. The air ships were courtesy of Johnson & Johnson family of companies, and the International Pharmaceutical Brotherhood, which is sharing the WHO's direktorate with the US government.

  • November 7, 2003-Americans Demand Increased Government Protection From Selves -Alarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation that will protect them from their own behavior.

    "The government is finally starting to take some responsibility for the effect my behavior has on others," said New York City resident Alec Haverchuk, 44, who is prohibited by law from smoking in restaurants and bars. "But we have a long way to go. I can still light up on city streets and in the privacy of my own home. I mean, legislators acknowledge that my cigarette smoke could give others cancer, but don't they care about me, too?"

    Yes, it's satire but read it through completely and ask yourself this.  In five years, or less, will this take on the culture of hysteria be amusing or prophetic?

  • June 9 - Study finds Jack Shit- "BALTIMORE - A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit. 'I can't explain what happened,' head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. 'We meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result. Instead, we found out nothing.' "

    The always irreverent crew at The Onion have finally found discovered junkscience as a subject for satire. Does this mean the topic has finally come of age?

  • THE FORGOTTEN ITEM - "Once upon a time NASA decided to send3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggageeach..."
     

  • A NEAR FUTURE AFTER DINNER DOSE OF PC FDANICOTINE - Just very few years ago, this funny piece from Smokin' Joe would have beenstill very funny, however, something completely fictional. But what about today, or evenjust a few years into the future?

    In America, the scenario that Joe depicts is notjust possible, but even probable. So, while laughing and enjoying this piece,consider that this is something very close to what the sick minds of the anti-tobaccooperatives are up to… so think if you really want to just sit and let it becomereality. How many of us would have been in stitches if somebody would have said that ETSwould be harmful in parks only five years ago?

  • NEWSMOKABLE NICOTINE STICKS! - "Manufactured by QuitLabs, a Winston-Salem, NC,pharmaceutical company, Nicarest is made of processed tobacco by-products and medicatedwith carefully calculated doses of nicotine and antibiotic "tar." Nicarest haswon the endorsement of the Surgeon General, American Cancer Society and American MedicalAssociation, and has quickly become the most popular stop-smoking aid on the market."

    Well.....we KNEW smoking would be OK as long asa 'pharmaceutical' was making a buck off it.

  • A LITTLE BIT OF ARROGANCE... - Thefollowing is an actual transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with theCanadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October 1995.

  • BIGGEST HEALTH HAZARD IN AMERICA --PROOF!! - A nice piece of humour found on the alt.smokers newsgroup by Felt Lair(FORCES Minnesota) about the stupidity of epidemiological associations in multifacxtorialdiseases. Enjoy!

  • A LAWYER STUDIES INSECTS IN PREPARATION TOSUE - "Encouraged by the recent, near success in an unprecedented, dog vs masterlawsuit for cruelty, Harry Bomfield, a Baltimore lawyer, is leaving no stone uncovered inseaching for a new animal victim to represent."

  • THE CLINTON MEMORIAL - Anti-tobaccoand Bill Clinton are now an inseparable historical shame. One day, the Clinton memorialwill be there to remember, we all hope, a forgotten legacy.

  • THREE PIECES FORM THE HITTMAN CHRONICLE:

    COPS ALWAYS HAVE THEBEST MARLBOROS
    THE ONLY WAY TO CURB TEEN SMOKING
    WILL P.E.T.A. HAVE THE LASTLAUGH?

  • BILL CLINTON LOSES HIS FACIALPROSTHESIS! (and shows the true face of anti-smoking) - Wars,repression, over-regulations, persecution, scandals, endemic corruption, junk science,anti-smoking, and looting. This is the America of Bill Clinton. We always wondered aboutthe reason of such evil, but the other day the surgical prosthesis that Bill is usuallywearing accidentally fell from his face, and it all became clear. A Chinese reporter wasthere to take this picture, that later got published by a Chinese magazine. We thoughtthat it was appropriate to add a little comment.

  • LET'S COUNTER THE PROPAGANDA WITH SOMETRUTH... - Soon a new campaign of lies and propaganda is to hit theUnited States, a nation well on its way to be crippled by many problems, last but notleast the social cancer of anti-tobacco.

    So, just to have some fun, let us dissect ananimated banner, and perform some counter-propaganda of our own. But let us be fair andgive credits where credits are due. This piece of garbage belongs to The Campaign forTobacco-Free Kids.

  • A JOKE FOR THESE SAD TIMES

  • STARRWARS - Righton the wave of theAMAJAMABOGUS (Thedirector of JAMA has just been fired for this -- thank God) here is a hilarious posterabout the Clinton saga. We are complimenting the author of this great piece of politicalsatire, while we are still wiping the tears off our eyes, though one eye cried for theexcessive laughter, while the other one cried for the excessive sorrow...

  •  Health Alert: Save your children from thechocolate cartel! - Reader, member and contributor of FORCESJesse Silverman sends us this short piece. It is supposed to be funny -- and itis. But really, there are a lot of potentially dangerous substances in chocolate... andthe chocolate industry is rich! Plus chocolate is not essential to diet, itcan be lethal to diabetics, it gives pleasure, thus it can be addictive,and THERE ARE NO HEALTH HAZARD WARNING LABELS on the packages -- situation thatshould be remedied immediately. The Nazis love to enmesh the concept of progresswith the ones of repression and state control. It is a fact that what was laughable andunthinkable yesterday is sadly real and popular today. So health Nazis, what are youwaiting for? Here is a new Klondike for the taking!

  • Let's have some fun with JAMA- Since we are close to Christmas, we thought that some humour would cheer up ourreaders. So we are reporting the latest piece of propaganda of JAMA. "Wait amoment" -- you may say -- "this is not laughing matter!"

    Maybe you are right. There is nothing to laugh aboutcorruption of science and the dissemination of false information that affects the libertyof people. So we decided to "marry" sadness with happiness. We are reporting thepiece, but under each sentence we have re-written the article in bold as it should bewritten if the truth was spoken. The result is sadly amusing.

    Merry Christmas 1998!

  • Between the depressingly serious and thefacetiously real there is... FORCES' FAVORITE SPORT:DEBUNKING ANTISMOKING RUBBISH - We have received this latest piece ofpropaganda by the London Times. The piece, written by James Pringle, contains the usualarray of distorted (sorry, in this case plain false) information about the WHO-created"smoking epidemic." Except for a few innovations, pretty much routine. So wedecided to have some fun, take the unabridged article, and debunk the propaganda aparagraph at a time. We found it quite amusing -- after working hard to bring you FORCES,we deserve some levity! So, forgive our indulgence, and have some fun with us!

  • PASS IT ON TO THE PRESIDENT, HEALTH ANDSENIOR SERVICES... - In view of some of the cigar details from theClinton scandals, this anti-smoking slogan sure acquires double meanings...

     

    After the terrifying revelations of the California's Health Board about the link between smoking and male impotency, we at FORCES are in a frenzy. How can we possibly fight this overwhelming disclosure? I say, the antis got us this time! Male readers who smoke are invited to click the box below to find out whether or not they are still ... viable!

    Emergencysmoking-related impotency test
    Click here

  •  THE MECHANICS OF ANTI-TOBACCO JUNK SCIENCE

     

  • THE ETHYL ALCOHOL INDECENCYENTERTAINMENT INDEX - We couldn't quite believe the inanity of theAmerican Lung Association's youth movie ratings. After we pulled ourselves off the floor,not quite sure whether we'd been laughing or crying, we started wondering what it would belike if a panel of similar "experts" were to look at alcohol in the movies. Weconvened an imaginary taskforce of hygienically-minded movie critics and sent them intomovieland to come up with ...

  • CALIFORNIA'S BILL BOARDS: THE WAY IT IS, ANDTHE WAY IT REALLY IS - The people of California ingeneral and San Francisco in particular are getting used to the communist-style propagandaagainst tobacco, all paid by the parassitic California Tobacco Control with the immenserevenues from Prop99, a taxation on cigarette to be used to finace the spreading of liesand propaganda on a grand scale. Some humorous approach does not hurt, however, for this is the way the billboards are, and this is the way they should be, if they would represent thetruth. (Please note: we have defaced the picture portraying the actual billboard toprevent antismokers from distributing it in schools to spread lies and intolerance amongthe children).

  • OFFICIAL EUROPEANLANGUAGE... WITH SOME MODIFICATIONS! - Taking a break from theintensity of the tobacco war, here is some humour from TheFunny Pages on Europe's adoption of English as official language for the UnitedEurope. Unfortunately, English has become the language of antitobacco, but fortunately,the cultural diversity and historical experience of Europe with the consequences ofrepression give us high hopes that the antismoking cancer will be kept at bay.

  • The first revelations from the publication of tobacco documents

    THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY DID IT ALL ALONG: Here is proof

  • HELP BALANCE THE BUDGET! - Therip-off of smokers and the hypocrisy of the state is well-depicted in this cartoon by Beattie,published by the Austin American Statesman.

  • BUDDY'S FOREIGN POLICY - Americandiplomacy and foreign affairs have reached a new low. Ol' Yassir Arafat comes toWashington to discuss the middle east peace accords, and gets an update, prime time liveno less, on our president's extra-marital sex life.

  • MAD DOG WAGGING - With all theturmoil in Washington D.C. about President Clinton's preference for oral sex with internsand bimbos, it occurred to me what his hidden agenda could be in naming his dog"Buddy."

  • HUMOUR: SATIRICAL PRESS RELEASE ON THEANTISMOKERS - Read a press release by Dr. JohnBanzmoke, president of Action on Smoking, Second Hand, and Other Legal Experiments (ASSHOLE), concerning the premature deathof Jeanne Calment of France, who was 122. Let us say that Jeanne is yet another victim ofthe tobacco companies, lurid merchants of death!

  •  SCIENCE ACCORDING TO MODERNSTATISTICS...

     

  • WHAT TOBACCO BILLBOARDS WOULD LOOK LIKEIF THE GOVERNMENT WERE HONEST

  • An unrelated topic: "GOOD LUCK, MR.GORSKY!"

     

  • HOW THE ANTISMOKERSFIGURE THEIR NUMBERS... We have discovered how the antismokers figuretobacco-related deaths and social costs...

  • THE FINAL EVIDENCEAGAINST SMOKING The Health Authorities have finally procured the final evidenceagainst smoking. To date, this is the best and most devastating evidence against tobacco.

  • THIS SIGN IS FOR YOU!...Enough of the old "NO SMOKING" sign, antismokers -- this new sign trulyrepresents you...
     

  • A CAMEL IS ALWAYS ACAMEL... See the CAMEL ad from Spain! Courtesy of "El Fumador",the Spanish pro-choice on smoking organization.

  • THE FUTURE ACCORDING TOTHE HEALTH FASCISTS - OR: - the dream of Dingwall and McPhail, ministers of"Health"!
     

  • NICOTINE-ADDICTED CATS:New frontiers in veterinary health!

     

  • FOR A SADLY HUMOROUS ENTERTAINMENT, FORCES CanadaPRESENTS:

    THE BEST OF ASH- Our organization is not in the habit of praising an opponent. This time,however, we must make an exception.

  • FOR A LITTLE BIT OF LEVITY... Sometimes, the zealotry of the antismokers exceeds their own stupidity,especially when administrators are involved, and that's fun! Come inside and have a goodtime!

  • LINKBETWEEN H.I.V. AND TOBACCO FOUND! - In the Bay area of SanFrancisco, the anti-smoking industry seems to have found yet another link between tobaccoand some illness! " The issue of tobacco advertising is strongly linked to theissue of H.I.V. and breast cancer", says the ad in dubious language, whilepraising a few local businesses who have "voluntarily agreed" to reduce theamount of tobacco advertising in their stores. What would you do if you tried to keep yourbusiness afloat while under psychological duresse?Of course, the ad is paid with thetobacco tax extorted from smokers to run a campaign against them! To view the document,click on the icon. When done, click on the "back" button of your viewer.

  • THEATRE OF THE ABSURD - InBoulder, CO, smoking has been banned in all public buildings, including the Boulder DinnerTheatre where a production of the Broadway musical "Grand Hotel" includes aone-minute scene where a couple of characters smoke. After an irate patron called thecops, the owner of the theatre was ordered to cut the scene or face 90 days in jail and a$1000 fine. The copyright law, however, forbids him to alter the scene at risk of civillitigation. "It's so funny," said the copyright owner of the play. "Inthese censorious times, everyone goes home and sits around the dinner table and talksabout how great it is to live in a free country." (Phila. Inquirer 4/28/96) [Courtesyof Linda Stewart]

  • SONG FOR THE NEW PROHIBITIONISM- A lady reader with talent, and a keen sense of humour sends us this song, to the tune of"John Brown's Body". Post it at your home or business, or sing it with yourfriends, maybe in a nonsmoking pub, or during a nonsmoking flight!

  • I DIDN'T DO IT! - InFarmingdale, NY, a man fell into a water tank, breaking a lot of bones. In mental as wellas physical extremis for half an afternoon as rescuers tried to get to him, he pleadedwith a Johnny-on-the-spot paramedic to give him a cigarette. As the paramedic boasted toABC News, "Of course, I didn't do it." (ABC-TV "Eyewitness News,"2/12/96)

  • THE FORGOTTEN ITEM - "Once upon a time NASA decided to send3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggageeach..."
     

  • A NEAR FUTURE AFTER DINNER DOSE OF PC FDANICOTINE - Just very few years ago, this funny piece from Smokin' Joe would have beenstill very funny, however, something completely fictional. But what about today, or evenjust a few years into the future?

    In America, the scenario that Joe depicts is notjust possible, but even probable. So, while laughing and enjoying this piece,consider that this is something very close to what the sick minds of the anti-tobaccooperatives are up to… so think if you really want to just sit and let it becomereality. How many of us would have been in stitches if somebody would have said that ETSwould be harmful in parks only five years ago?

  • NEWSMOKABLE NICOTINE STICKS! - "Manufactured by QuitLabs, a Winston-Salem, NC,pharmaceutical company, Nicarest is made of processed tobacco by-products and medicatedwith carefully calculated doses of nicotine and antibiotic "tar." Nicarest haswon the endorsement of the Surgeon General, American Cancer Society and American MedicalAssociation, and has quickly become the most popular stop-smoking aid on the market."

    Well.....we KNEW smoking would be OK as long asa 'pharmaceutical' was making a buck off it.


FORCES is supported solely by the efforts of the readers. Please become a member or donate what you can.



Contact Info
Forces Contacts
Media Contacts
Advertisers
Links To Archived Categories

The Evidence
Inside Forces
About Forces
Research
Writers
Book case