Taking life to the limit

By RICK BELL
Calgary Sun Extra! Extra! Read all about it. Dinger's people actually live longer. Bad habits are good.
Take that, you pesky, pinched-faced puritans.
Yes, in this repressive age of zero tolerance it's time to raise a glass of cheer to the memory of France's high-living Jeanne Calment.
We all can learn from those who've enjoyed a long and lively existence on this old planet.
Jeanne was just such a person.
Earlier this week, Jeanne, still with all her wits about her, graduated to the great party in the sky at the tender age of 122. The oldest person in the world.
As a teen she'd seen the Eiffel Tower reach its heights. She'd met the artist Vincent Van Gogh who'd bought paint from her uncle.
Jeanne found the nutty painter to be a dirty scoundrel and badly dressed to boot.
Vincent later chopped off his ear and killed himself.
Jeanne took up the fencing sword at 85 and the bicycle when she hit a young 100.
She enjoyed wine, chocolate and smokes. All great and delicious pleasures.
Finally, time took its toll but Jeanne handled it with style. At 120, Jeanne decided to quit smoking. Not because she feared of lung cancer or cowered at the disapproval of the always-right.
No, Jeanne quit because she couldn't see well enough to light up and didn't want anybody helping her out.
Still Jeanne was not finished with life. Only last year she released tales of her memories on Time's Mistress, a rap CD.
For Jeanne there was always something new to do. "I dream, I think, I go over my life. I never get bored."
Jeanne, my kind of sunshine girl.
It takes a person like Jeanne to remind us of happier times. Think back, if you can.
There actually was a time when you could live pretty well as you wished. I still remember as a child when I'd criticize the neighbors or try to be a tattletale.
"Mind your own beeswax," would be the gruff response of adults. Now the authorities carpetbomb us with messages minding our beeswax for us.
This is bad. This is good. Do this, don't do that.
Don't you know this causes cancer? What scourge-of-the-month will we eliminate from the landscape now?
All the busybodies, know-it-alls and crusaders with time on their hands have become truly tiresome.
But Jeanne had the last laugh. She outlived them all.
And she wasn't alone.
Take a look at my candidate to take over the crown of the world's oldest person. A guy by the name of Christian Mortensen. He's 115 and lives life to the fullest.
At 90 he arrived at the doorstep of the retirement home riding a tricycle.
"I'm Danish and I'm here to stay," Christian told them.
He's still there and he still makes the trek outdoors to smoke a cigar at least once a week.
My, what a wonderful world.

The Dinger can be reached at 250-4305 or by e-mail at callet@sunpub.com