McCain's ugly joke is on us

The Arizona Republic
June 14, 1998

Get ready to laugh. Those rib-tickling yuk-meisters of the Washington press corps are about to apply several coats of monkeyshine on the tarnished shell of their preordained prince of presidential candidates - John Sidney McCain III.

War hero.

Father.

U.S. Senator.

Comedian.

Last week, at a Republican party fund-raiser, McCain decided to tell a joke. He's always fancied himself a funny man. This time, he chose to take the art form back a few centuries, tilting toward harlequin. Toward jester. Toward fool.

The gist of the senator's knee-slapper was:

Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father.

Nice, huh?

Just recently, CBS' Mike Wallace said of the man who told this "joke," "I'm thinking I may quit my job if he gets the (Republican presidential) nomination. I'm impressed by his independence, by his willingness to take on the tough ones. By his honesty about himself."

By his sense of humor?

McCain is a politician and a father. As a politician, he probably expects to be the butt of a joke now and then. Certainly Clinton does. And Mrs. Clinton.

As a man with daughter, though, how much would McCain laugh if his child were ridiculed by a national figure?

How funny would you find if it were your kid?

'He feels awful'

Don't expect the national press to criticize him.

McCain has been crowned.

He can do no wrong.

Consider this from a Boston Globe columnist: "I like him because he's gutsy. I like him because he's an interesting person. I like what he did on campaign finance. I like what he's done on tobacco. I like his war record. There's an army out there waiting for this guy."

From a Wall Street Journal columnist: "(McCain) is the most courageous and one of the most admirable men I've ever known in American politics."

Another syndicated columnist sings the praises of "McCain's against-the-grain leadership coupled with his riveting personal history."

Are you laughing yet?

You should be.

The joke is on you, or could be in the year 2000.

For months, now, the senator has been on the rubber chicken circuit playing David to the tobacco industry's Goliath.

It's not a bad thing to take on tobacco, to fight an industry that markets death to young people.

The alcohol connection

Why he doesn't attack that industry, which also produces a deadly and dangerous product aimed at young people?

Why doesn't one reporter from outside McCain's home state ask if maybe he's reluctant to take on the beer barons because he married into a family made wealthy by distributing brewski?

The senator wrote an apology to President Clinton.

He told the Post, "Yes, I made a very unfortunate and insensitive remark. It was the wrong thing to do, and I have no excuse for it."

He need not worry.

His Beltway buddies will forgive him, as they've forgiven his other gaffes, his temper, his membership in the Keating Five. I'm sure they're already making excuses for him.

Boys will be boys, they'll say. Lighten up, it was only a joke. Like that.

Personally, I can't, and won't, say anything about John Sidney McCain III's children.

I know this, however, Admiral and Mrs. John Sidney McCain Jr. sure had one ugly boy.

E.J. Montini can be reached at 444-8978 or at ed.montini@pni.com via e-mail.