The First Lady, the recognized steward of the president's power base, is reported to be afraid that Lewinsky has blown everything. Vernon Jordan is reported to have suggested that Ms Lewinsky approach the President with a stiff upper lip for the time being, and is quite upset at how much damage her wagging tongue seems to have done.

Meanwhile, the White House staff is engaged in a furious search for Richard Nixon's tape erasing machine, last seen on loan to the offices of the Rose law firm in Little Rock. In an effort of goodwill, however, the administration has extended an invitation to Ms Lewinsky for an exclusive guided tour of the capital city's national parks one night next week.

Ms Lewinsky's attorney has chided the mainstream media for taking out of context a comment by her close friends that she once said she wanted to head the Oval Office someday.

Defending his client as a victim, he said that "...this oral sex thing really has her choked up, you know." Mr Starr, the independent prosecutor investigating the case, remains unmoved, and has made it clear that to avoid criminal liability herself, Ms Lewinsky will be required to give a complete blow-by-blow description of her relationship with Mr Clinton.

Chelsea Clinton, when asked for her opinion of the woman who stands to dethrone her father, simply replied "she sucks!"

Arkansas is very proud of Clinton - all these women coming forward and none of them are his sister! Headline on the Washington Post this morning: Bush finally gets the better of Clinton!