Let's Have Some Fun With Jama

FORCES - The Humorous

LET'S HAVE SOME FUN WITH JAMA

Since we are close to Christmas, we thought that some humour would cheer up our readers. So we are reporting the latest piece of propaganda from JAMA.

"Wait a moment" -- you may say -- "this is not laughing matter!"

Maybe you are right. There is nothing to laugh about corruption of science and the dissemination of false information affecting the liberty of people.

So we decided to "marry" sadness with happiness. As we report the piece verbatim, under each sentence we have re-written the article (in bold) as it should be written if the truth was spoken. The result is sadly amusing.

Merry Christmas 1998!

JAMA Patient Page

SECONDHAND SMOKE

"Thank You For Not Smoking"

"Thank You For Not Lying (We Do)"

When You Smoke, Everyone Near You Smokes

When You Lie, Everyone Near You Is A Victim

It is now clear that tobacco is linked with many health problems in addition to lung disease and cancer. As our knowledge about the health consequences of smoking grows, these health concerns have also been extended to the innocent bystanders (those who regularly encounter secondhand smoke).

It is now clear that at present the budget of our anti-tobacco cartel has reached such an impressive size, we have been able to produce an amount of junk science that is unprecedented in history. As this pile grows, our pockets have been overflowing beyond imagination, and the consequences of our lies have successfully extended to the innocent bystanders (those who regularly encounter secondhand smoke). Among the diseases we have successfully linked with smoking arehemorrhoids, schizophrenia and broken bones, not to mention the omnipresent small penises.

In 1964, the U.S. Surgeon General's office issued its first report on the health associated with smoking. Less than 10 years later, in 1972, the same office put out its first report on secondhand smoking as a health risk. Secondhand smoke has since been associated with many of the same health problems as smoking: respiratory problems, lung cancer, and cardiovascular and heart disease.

In 1964, the U.S. Surgeon General's office issued its first report on the statistical health risks said to be associated with smoking. Less than 10 years later, in 1972, the same office was already severely infiltrated by the operatives of our emerging anti-smoking cartel. Our operatives successfully lobbied this office until it put out its first report on secondhand smoking portrayed as a health risk. We all celebrated the soon-to-come wealth and political glory by getting drunk and lighting cigars. Oops... Yes, yes, there ARE dangers in secondhand smoke, THERE ARE!

Secondhand smoke, also known as passive smoking or environmental tobacco smoke (ETS), is the smoke from the burning tobacco and the smoke exhaled by the smoker. Harmful chemicals, including toxins and carcinogens (cancer-causing substances) are released in the air from the burning end of a lit cigarette. These airborne chemicals, mixed with the smoke exhaled by the smoker, create a toxic environment for anyone in close proximity to the smoker. Secondhand smoke has been classified a Group A carcinogen by the EPA. Group A is a rating used only for substances proven to cause cancer in humans.

Secondhand smoke, also known as passive smoking or environmental tobacco smoke (ETS), is the smoke from the burning tobacco and the smoke exhaled by the smoker. Infinitesimally small amounts of potentially harmful chemicals, including toxins and carcinogens (cancer-causing substances) are released in the air from the burning end of a lit cigarette. These airborne chemicals, mixed with the smoke exhaled by the smoker, create an environment that causes the non-smoker to inhale the equivalent of 6 cigarettes per year at worst.

In hard figures, that means that the non-smokers inhale 0.00525 MILLIGRAMS a day of these terrible substances (1), which require the non-smoker to inhale the equivalent of 1,170 to 1,000,000 cigarettes a year, depending on the terrible substance examined (2). Of course, this assumes that the non-smoker also STANDS IN A SEALED, UNVENTILATED ROOM of 22' x 21' x 8' in order to reach any form of measurably dangerous level (2) -- but you are not supposed to know that.

Never mind that the outside exhausts from motor vehicles create an immensely more toxic environment. That is not in our political agenda, and we don't get any money to tell the truth on that. It is more profitable for us to lie about secondhand smoke.

But back to the point, we go on say that passive smoking creates a toxic environment for anyone in close proximity to the smoker -- let's just leave it at that: people buy that, and it distracts them from the real reasons of their respiratory diseases. In total disrespect for the evidence at hand, and any scientific procedure, secondhand smoke has been classified as a Group A carcinogen by the EPA. Group A is a rating used only for substances proven to cause cancer in humans. A federal court decision has recently proven that the "Class A" classification by the EPA is a colossal fraud, but we have decided to ignore that, for we are really a political money-grabbing organization under the cloak of the medical profession -- and politicians are not supposed to tell the truth. But YOU are not supposed to know that, so we will continue to lie to the people, and prostitute science and ourselves to money for as long as there is money available, and for as long as we can get away with it.

The December 9, 1998, issue of JAMA (Eisner et al) reports on the observable health benefits to bartenders from a new California law that prohibits smoking in bars. The law provided a smoke-free environment for a profession traditionally exposed to large amounts of secondhand smoke. The researchers found that the bartenders in the study were reporting improved respiratory health and had improved lung function only 2 months after the new program took effect.

The December 9, 1998, issue of JAMA (Eisner et al) reports on the observable health benefits to bartenders from a new California law that prohibits smoking in bars. Since we don't have to disclose our database, and we have a total monopoly on information because we have gagged our political opposition, as well as having secured a tight grip on the media, we can afford to say anything we want.

Since the law provided a smoke-free environment for a profession traditionally exposed to large amounts of secondhand smoke, the researchers paid by the anti-tobacco cartel had to formulate the questionnaires with great creativity. By that we mean that questions were leading and the selection of the possible answers was all against secondhand smoke. In this way, the researchers found that the bartenders in the study were reporting improved respiratory health and had improved lung function only 2 months after the new program took effect.

We are congratulating ourselves for being able to be so effective with the power of suggestion, as well as with the skilful choice of the subjects, all favorable to the ban because previously brainwashed, and adequately lied to on the effects of secondhand smoke. We are only sorry for not having suggested that the improved lung function showed up just 2 hours after the new program took effect. We'll do better next time.

We are looking forward to more grants, lies and social control in the years to come.

With our production of junk science, and its presentation to our ignorant and greedy politicians, we are looking forward to more bans in the US and hopefully abroad, so our valuable "intellectual" products will be in greater demand, and at a higher price.

And for as long as we have the politicians on our side, we'll stay safely out of jail.



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