The Best Of Ash

FORCES - The Humorous

THE BEST OF ASH

Our organization is not in the habit of praising an opponent. This time, however, FORCES Canada must make an exception.

We are talking about ASH, a fierce antismokers organization in the U.S.A.

ASH is very well known for the sensationalistic statements about the dangers of smoking, to the point of being called even by some antismoker the "antismoking tabloid".

This time, however, they have outdone themselves. The claims reported in their "Review" (January-February 1997) put to shame even the National Enquirer -- and deserve hearty congratulations for entertainment value and an inadvertent sense of humour. Believe it or not, airport smoking results in blindness, bleeding from bodily orifices and even complete collapse in non-smokers -- at least according to ASH. Strange how no one noticed this for decades!

We find these statements so absurd, we don't even get outraged. Instead, we are so amused that we have decided to share them with our readership.

Come on, let's have some fun!

CREDIT: The following are quotations from ASH SMOKING AND HEALTH REVIEW. We have to give credit where credit is due!

1- Health Problems Triggered by Airport Smoking

  • angina resulting in a temporary inability to walk, talk, or carry luggage
  • inability to breathe normally for about 3 days after exposure
  • throat constriction to the point of being unable to speak
  • eye irritation severe enough to cause near blindness
  • severe pain after deviated septum surgery
  • coughing up black or grey matter
  • illness that required 2-3 days for recovery
  • collapsed on the floor
  • burning of sinuses
  • weeks of suffering from upper respiratory problems and sinus
  • coughing spells lasting many hours
  • heart pain which can result in heart damage
  • caused me to throw up several times
  • prostration virtually to the point of unconsciousness
  • bleeding from ear, nose, or throat
  • eyelids swollen shut

2- Health Problems From Smoke In Specific Airports

NORFOLK, VA: 'Waiting at the gate the air was full of tobacco smoke, and my operated [on] eye was irritated. By the time I arrived in my home in Virginia Beach felt sick and I had excruciating pain in my eye. I gradually lost sight in the eye until it became completely blind. The diagnosis was optic neuritis. I believe this condition was caused by the tobacco smoke eliminating oxygen preventing blood flow to the nerve and killing it."

DETROIT, MI: "The smoke completely stopped my air sacs."

ATLANTA, GA: "Asthma attacks as well as severe breathing and allergy problems, had to use my inhalers"

CINCINNATI, OH: "My allergy and asthma symptoms were so severe that the airline finally decided to allow me to pre-board while the aircraft was being serviced."

DE MOINES, IA: "Eye and mouth mucous membranes irritated by tobacco smoke."

CHARLOTTE, NC: "My eyes and throat became irritated."

PHILADELPHIA, PA: "Had an asthma attack."

WYOMING: "I started vomiting as soon as I took off and vomited all the way to [destination]. I was sick the whole time we were there, and that spoiled my husband's job interview."

End of quotation.

So, folks, what do you think" Here is a link with The National Enquirer. We challenge you to find exaggerations there that are any more outrageous than what you've just read!

We could waste much time in rebutting and arguing, but what for" The North American public drinks in these absurdities with great thirst. In fact, the people mentioned by ASH are probably ready to swear on their dearest thing that they really experienced what reported.

A few months ago, an acquaintance of FORCES was walking in a supermarket with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. A lady nearby noticed the cigarette dwindling from his lips and, assuming that the cigarette was lit, she suddenly experienced nausea and dizziness, and she fainted and fell to the floor. With extreme embarrassment, her husband apologized to our friend.

Such is the power of suggestion. The same suggestions that ASH and the antismoking cartel work so hard to sneak into the head of people.

Perhaps FORCES Canada has it all wrong. Though certainly militant, we never abandoned ourselves to cheap sensationalism.

We have, however, a suggestion for ASH... try this:

SMOKING MOTHER GIVES BIRTH TO CHILD WITH TWO PENISES

ANYTOWN, U.S.A. Doctors have expressed extreme concern over the birth of a bi-penised child from a smoking mother.A study recently released by the University of GrantLand has conclusively established a link between bi-penisim and environmental tobacco smoke.

The effects of tobacco's mutagenic properties are evident in the fact that the sum of the intelligence of the child's two small heads far exceeds the IQ of the big head of the continent's leading anti-smoking crusader, president Clinton.

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