|
 April
5
[03:00 GMT]
-
Considerations
for the mathematical mind
- People trained to hate smoking and smokers are Big Antismoking Fools (BAF).
BAF also
applies the
“Selective Input Process” (SIP) – that is, they only read information supporting
what they already believe.
Information to the contrary is dismissed right off, or read only to search for
weaknesses and therefore confirm pre-existing belief.
That is particularly true
when it comes to Big Pharma (BP).
BAF
hates
BP almost
as much as he hates Big Tobacco (BT). That is because, in general,
he hates Big Corporate (BC) as any good socialist should.
That gets them to the point of envisioning a fascist future where Big State (BS)
and
Big Corporate BC will be
happily married and finally
BS
=
BC. In the eyes of
BAF,
in fact, BS and BC would check each
other out giving
BAF
no bullshit (BS) at all. In reality,
however, both
BS and BC
are equivalent to BS, and will jointly oppress
BAF.
Today,
BC (Big Corporate)
=
BP (Big Pharma),
thus
Bp
(Big Pharma)
x Bs
(Big State)
=
BS square (BS2).
The
universe of BAF can therefore be expressed by the equation:
BAF
= BS2
-- Quod
Erat Demonstrandum.
April 4
[03:15 GMT]
-
Aging baby-boom bugbear speaks out: More dangerous than me, too!
- Like a geriatric rocker in denial about aging and
looking for a career face-lift, sixties scare-monger favorite LSD is back, and
mad as hell about what he terms “kind of a slap in the face” from a UK health
establishment that recently rated him below tobacco on the health scare charts. The psychedelic accompaniment to the Summer of Love generation has been hiding
out for awhile, but surfaced in London recently to tell reporters he was
planning a come-back – and set to take on more trendy rivals like smoking,
alcohol and tran-fats.
“These new guys are fine, but I was
doing this stuff long before they had the cache. I mean, I’m the roots of the
whole thing, at least for my generation. Let’s face it – I had Timothy Leary,
urban folktales, album covers inspired by me. I even made Time Magazine,” said
LSD, adding that it was important for the public to realize that the new health
scares “just don’t have the same kind of soul that we did, ya know? I had real
people jumping off real rooftops after listening to the same Jefferson Airplane
album for 48 hours in a row. I mean, that was scary shit. The new guys can’t
hold a candle to that. But there’s no sense of theatre any more. It’s all just … kinda virtual and derivative, ya know?”
LSD said it was important that Public Health and the medical establishment in
general should get back to its roots in order to recognize where it’s been and
where it’s going. “You know, nothing can
match Reefer Madness and the idea that marijuana leads to lesbianism and
uncontrollable promiscuity. I think having homosexuality on the index of mental
illnesses was a good one, too. Real mean before smoking ever got to be such an
issue. And let’s not forget the granddaddy of ‘em all – the health risk posed to
the public by Jewishness in the Third Reich.”
“These gangsta rappers in Public Health
gotta get a sense of history if they ever wanna mature in their craft.”
 March 15
[03:30 GMT]
-
"One
way to look at this is that Satan is handing us tools to combat Satan", says the
god whilst cashing the dough
- Slightly dated but fascinatingly illogical is this news about the
quintessential expression of nihilistic culture incarnate:
Philip Morris ponies up 20 million dollars
- for "an innovative collaboration between the School of Medicine and
the McIntire School of Commerce, to help prevent youth smoking,
improve the effectiveness of smoking-cessation efforts and reduce the
harm caused by smoking."
 We
are simply moved - by the absurd illogic of this. Think about it - please,
really do: PM contributes to educating the youth not to buy cigarettes;
it therefore pays for moulding a junk science-based cultural superstition about
the "harms" of smoking. But there is more than that: Philip Morris pays money
with the
declared intent of creating the bases for its own bankruptcy. Let's bring
this to its logical conclusions while trying to keep a straight face - not an
easy task.
Rationale - By undermining
its own customer base and convincing the youth that "public health's" junk
science is true and that "smoking kills", PM reverses its past position when it
financed studies that undermined antitobacco's epidemiological junk science. As
we know, with this kind of multifactorial epidemiological studies nothing can be
scientifically proven but everything can be enumerated through opinion-based
attributions. Acting this way PM wants to inspire trust in the
stockholders which will pay more for its shares because PM "sanitizes" its image
by kissing the butt of "public health" and stating that its product "kills".
That in turn should inspire stockholders' confidence, since PM is telling
the world that its product must not be purchased. If we follow the
declared intents of PM, the logical conclusion can only be one: there will be
profits and dividends by not selling cigarettes that nobody wants.
As the product of two negatives is a positive, that should be read: there
will be profits and dividends by selling cigarettes that everybody wants. In
the meantime, PM's name made it again to newspapers' pages, and even to the
pages of FORCES.
Given a twisted
culture with inverted values and an upside-down logic, all this looks as
straight as an arrow. If you are now scratching your heads while smoking a
cigarette, stop scratching your head
because your baldness will be "caused" by smoking - take the word of "public
health" now confirmed by Philip Morris (or vice-versa). In the meantime, please
note how graciously the gods of "public health education" take the satanic 20
million for the noble purpose of smoking "prevention". Did you still need a
demonstration of the intellectual confusion, hypocrisy and moral/institutional
perversion, today? We hope that you are happy now. Just don't buy Philip
Morris cigarettes and stocks (buy the competition's), and make PM's
declared dream come true.
January 29, 2007
[03:00 GMT]
-
A concentrated dose of BS - As a public service we offer this
brief advertisement that will fulfil your quota of pharmaceutical shilling.
After watching this you will not have to pay attention to the non-stop
drug ads that pollute your television screen. You will have heard it and
seen it all in one easy session. All you have to do is completely suspend
belief and wrap yourself in a comfy cocoon of Big Pharma love.
January 18, 2007
[003:45
GMT] -
Benign Brainwashing
- The holiday season may be just a memory but as we all can attest,
it is never too early to prepare for Christmas. In the spirit of
benevolence and generosity we offer a superb marketing ploy for both Big Tobacco
and Big Pharma. These rapacious corporate rapscallions both can benefit
from a new warm and fuzzy image so we hope they accept our gratis aid in
retooling their tarnished image for Christmas 2007.
November 13, 2006
[18:25 GMT]
-
Antis:
what to expect
- Interesting, humorous and very realistic chart published by The Smokers' Club
on the usual and predictable chain of excuses and reactions about smoking bans.
Useful for serious anti-ban activism as well as for a chuckle about the
stupidity of human nature.
|
There
is hope for the next generation and its feelings about antismoking
nannies... |
|
 |
|
October
16, 2006
[19:45 GMT] -
This Bronx boy is #!$]% angry -
“Not since the Continental Congress has anyone heard a speech so powerful and
yet so eloquent as the gentleman in this video, telling us what he thinks about
smoking bans. A must for anyone looking for insight as to what is going on with
the issue!” Well, kinda...
This New Jersey strip club owner is #!$]% angry about the
smoking bans and – since he’s apparently in a non-ban zone – he’s inviting the
world to come and visit his club. We can’t help but wonder whether he’s actually
fighting the #!$]% smoking bans, or just video-trolling for new customers until
the axe of a new ordinance falls! (Warning: strong #!$]% language).
September 24
[17:30
GMT]
- Is broccoli in or out this week? Does today’s
most recent study “raise concerns about” or find “promising” therapeutic effects
for nicotine, carbs, mangos, sunlight, video games or even your favourite
exercise?
If you’re tired of what you read and see in the Health and Lifestyle department
of your newspaper or on TV, check out this one and settle your most pressing
questions once and for all (the source for this piece is, alas, unknown).
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that
cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for
so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears
out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's
like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to
live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat
and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical
efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol
intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is
made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of
the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my
body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body
and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio
is two to one, etc.
|
August 5, 2005
[16:30
GMT] -
The Purification of Sesame Street
- John
Banzhaf, Hitler and Goebels join the good ol' Cookie Monster and Oscar
the Grouch for fun, games and learning in the fit and fat-free 21st
century! Follow the re-education of your favourite Sesame Street
characters as the health regime straightens 'em up, in this new FORCES
serial by Eric Blair. |
|
Humor
March
20, 2005 - For the pious -
A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to
his Sunday Sermon.
- Four worms were placed into four
separate jars.
- The first worm was put into a
jar of alcohol.
- The second worm was put into a
jar of cigarette smoke.
- The third worm was put into a
jar of sperm.
- The fourth worm was put into a
jar of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the Sermon, the
Minister reported the following results:
- The first worm in alcohol -
dead.
- Second worm in cigarette smoke -
dead.
- Third worm in sperm - dead.
- Fourth worm in good clean soil -
Alive!
So the Minister asked the
congregation: "What can you learn from this demonstration?
A little old woman in the back
quickly raised her hand and said; "As long as you drink, smoke and
have sex, you won't have worms.
 March
21, 2004 -
When
dreams come true -
We now take you to the august chambers of the United States Congress
where a heretic is examined by a notorious inquisitor. One by one
the modern Torquemada hurls questions at the heretic only to be met with
a fusillade of clear-spoken rationality that blasts the inquisitor's
pretenses to smithereens.
We've
all imagined an appearance before those whose intellect, understanding
and morality are deficient yet still hold the reins of power. We
make mincemeat of their arguments, converting the fair-minded to the
ways of the truth. Such reveries are the stuff of a yearning to
wipe away all the garbage that is smothering our society. One
author has imagined it perfectly, providing some excellent talking
points, and has skewered two of the most repulsive anti-smokers whom
everyone loves to hate.
November
7, 2003 - Americans
Demand Increased Government Protection From Selves -
Alarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more
Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation that will
protect them from their own behavior.
"The government is finally starting to take some
responsibility for the effect my behavior has on others," said New
York City resident Alec Haverchuk, 44, who is prohibited by law from
smoking in restaurants and bars. "But we have a long way to go. I can
still light up on city streets and in the privacy of my own home. I mean,
legislators acknowledge that my cigarette smoke could give others cancer,
but don't they care about me, too?"
Yes, it's satire but read it through completely and ask
yourself this. In five years, or less, will this take on the culture
of hysteria be amusing or prophetic?
June
9, 2003 -
Study finds Jack Shit - “BALTIMORE — A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University
announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between
polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit. ‘I can't
explain what happened,’ head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. ‘We
meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were
sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result.
Instead, we found out nothing.’ “
The always
irreverent crew at The Onion have finally found discovered junkscience as a
subject for satire. Does this mean the topic has finally come of age?
March
5, 2003 -
... A TOUCH OF HUMOUR
TO FIT THE TIMES
 |
SMOKING TODAY
(...or: what it takes to have the right to
enjoy a cigarette indoors)
Click on the image to see it larger in
a new window. |
September
17 -
Smoke
Gets In Their Eyes - Speaking of silly, self-righteous losers, we bring to you a delightfully
amusing piece about the anti-tobacco fanatics of today and their
predecessors. Cal Thomas' take on the futility of the war on tobacco
is a few years old but it is more relevant now than then since it's becoming
evident that, just like the anti-smoking agenda 90 years ago, this one too
shall pass.
September
17 - Drop Your Smokes And Come Out With Your
Hands Up -
January 16, 2001 -
UNITED STATES: CONGRESS APPROVES THE
AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT
-
In these
times of political correctness, when people affected by retardation are called
"physically challenged", and the plain dumb renamed as "intellectually
disadvantaged", the race is on to dumb down society to the lowest common intellectual
denominator. Those do not comply with the trend are accused of discrimination. With such
environment, it is only logical that a joke like this is widely circulated. The funny part
is the joke itself. The sad part is that one third of the people the letter was sent to,
has written back asking for more information.
YESTERDAY, revised today - November 26, 2000
- Sung to the tune of Yesterday song by the Beatles, here are some very
contemporary lyrics by James
Leavey. Let's have a laugh together!
True portrait of an
antismoker |
MONKEYS HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE AN
ANTISMOKER! -
In its torrential flood of antismoking junk science and false
information, ASH shows a (rare) veneer of humour. Not that ASH intends to be
humorous, of course, since, like the rest of the miserable antismokers, they are incapable
of that. In one of their latest posts (Monkeys
Conduct Antismoking Campaign), however, we read: "Monkeys have once
again risen to the occasion to fight evil." ... "A group of 14 monkeys can be
found marching in a single file around the Sahara India building on Boring Road in Patna,
keeping a strict vigil on smokers. The moment they see anyone smoking they pounce on the
person and deliver a couple of tight slaps. These simians, who live in the AC ducts and
pipes running in the building, seem to have set forth very strict rules against
smoking."
This is not the first time
that ASH suggests violence against smokers - and that is the nature of the beast that is
to be defeated. But this time, the evoked mood shifts from the usual disgust to a good,
old-fashioned guffaw. Thanks, ASH...! Well, it all just seems to prove that you've got to
be a real monkey to be an antismoker, doesn't it? May we suggest enrolment of
those animals in the ASH activist list? The simians sure seem to have what it takes!
HEIL HEALTH 2000 --
INTERVIEW WITH AL GORE:
ANTITOBACCO -- "THE SKY WOULD BE THE LIMIT"
Added January 12, 2000
What we report here is humorous -- but is it? If Al Gore is
elected, smokers better start tattooing themselves.
Surrounded by our satire, the bit in
blue is what Gore actually said during an interview.
Al Gore promises that you will be healthy -- healthy at all costs -- if you want
to belong to the Health Supremacy Group that already leads the nation, and be a model for
the youth of the regime. During an immense antismoking parade organised by major medical
and health organisations, and in the presence of over 100,000 health activists aligned in
perfectly square ranks, Mr. Goering (oops -- typo: Gore) promised the cleansing
of America from the evil tobacco industry, that secretly pulls the strings of American
economy, and from its subhuman followers.
At the speech. Mr. Gore revealed the
most recent junk data the sophisticated, powerful CDC computers could generate for the
occasion.
To the question:
"If the Supreme Court strikes down the FDA's authority to regulate nicotine in
cigarettes which people say could happen, would a Gore Administration push very hard and
initiate legislation through Congress that would give the FDA authority to regulate
tobacco?", Gore answered:
"Sure. The answer is yes. I
would aggressively pursue the authority for FDA to regulate nicotine. It is a drug. It's
obviously a drug. It's more addictive, according to many scientists, it's more addictive
than heroine or cocaine. And it certainly kills a lot more people. We lose more Americans
to smoking every year than the total number of Americans who died in all of World War II
alone. I mean if we were losing that many Americans to the actions of a foreign military
power every year, what do you think we would do in response?"
"The sky would be the limit. Yet
we're taking this lying down because it's been ingrained in our culture, because of the
billions of dollars in mental conditioning by the cigarette companies. It's the single
largest cause of preventable death in the nation -- the single largest cause of
preventable serious disease in the nation. And you bet I would seek to regulate nicotine
as a drug."
Faced with the opportunity to bypass
once again the obsolete institutions of a worn out democracy, and being offered the
prospect of healthy immortality by the Neo-Socialist state in return, the crowd was
delirious. Antismoking banners of galactic dimensions were then dropped from the sky by
several dirigibles ordered on the scene by Gro Harlem Brundtland of the World Health
Order for the occasion. The air ships were courtesy of Johnson & Johnson family
of companies, and the International Pharmaceutical Brotherhood, which is sharing the WHO's direktorate with the US government.
November
7, 2003 - Americans
Demand Increased Government Protection From Selves - Alarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more
Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation that will
protect them from their own behavior.
"The government is finally starting to take some
responsibility for the effect my behavior has on others," said New
York City resident Alec Haverchuk, 44, who is prohibited by law from
smoking in restaurants and bars. "But we have a long way to go. I can
still light up on city streets and in the privacy of my own home. I mean,
legislators acknowledge that my cigarette smoke could give others cancer,
but don't they care about me, too?"
Yes, it's satire but read it through completely and ask
yourself this. In five years, or less, will this take on the culture
of hysteria be amusing or prophetic?
 June
9 -
Study finds Jack Shit - “BALTIMORE — A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University
announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between
polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit. ‘I can't
explain what happened,’ head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. ‘We
meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were
sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result.
Instead, we found out nothing.’ “
The always
irreverent crew at The Onion have finally found discovered junkscience as a
subject for satire. Does this mean the topic has finally come of age?
THE FORGOTTEN ITEM - "Once upon a time NASA decided to send
3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage
each..."
A NEAR FUTURE AFTER DINNER DOSE OF PC FDA
NICOTINE - Just very few years ago, this funny piece from Smokin' Joe would have been
still very funny, however, something completely fictional. But what about today, or even
just a few years into the future?
In America, the scenario that Joe depicts is not
just possible, but even probable. So, while laughing and enjoying this piece,
consider that this is something very close to what the sick minds of the anti-tobacco
operatives are up to… so think if you really want to just sit and let it become
reality. How many of us would have been in stitches if somebody would have said that ETS
would be harmful in parks only five years ago?
NEW
SMOKABLE NICOTINE STICKS! - "Manufactured by QuitLabs, a Winston-Salem, NC,
pharmaceutical company, Nicarest is made of processed tobacco by-products and medicated
with carefully calculated doses of nicotine and antibiotic "tar." Nicarest has
won the endorsement of the Surgeon General, American Cancer Society and American Medical
Association, and has quickly become the most popular stop-smoking aid on the market."
Well.....we KNEW smoking would be OK as long as
a 'pharmaceutical' was making a buck off it.
A LITTLE BIT OF ARROGANCE... - The
following is an actual transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with the
Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October 1995.
BIGGEST HEALTH HAZARD IN AMERICA --
PROOF!! - A nice piece of humour found on the alt.smokers newsgroup by Felt Lair
(FORCES Minnesota) about the stupidity of epidemiological associations in multifacxtorial
diseases. Enjoy!
A LAWYER STUDIES INSECTS IN PREPARATION TO
SUE - "Encouraged by the recent, near success in an unprecedented, dog vs master
lawsuit for cruelty, Harry Bomfield, a Baltimore lawyer, is leaving no stone uncovered in
seaching for a new animal victim to represent."
THE CLINTON MEMORIAL - Anti-tobacco
and Bill Clinton are now an inseparable historical shame. One day, the Clinton memorial
will be there to remember, we all hope, a forgotten legacy.
THREE PIECES FORM THE HITTMAN CHRONICLE:
COPS ALWAYS HAVE THE
BEST MARLBOROS
THE ONLY WAY TO CURB TEEN SMOKING
WILL P.E.T.A. HAVE THE LAST
LAUGH?
BILL CLINTON LOSES HIS FACIAL
PROSTHESIS! (and shows the true face of anti-smoking) - Wars,
repression, over-regulations, persecution, scandals, endemic corruption, junk science,
anti-smoking, and looting. This is the America of Bill Clinton. We always wondered about
the reason of such evil, but the other day the surgical prosthesis that Bill is usually
wearing accidentally fell from his face, and it all became clear. A Chinese reporter was
there to take this picture, that later got published by a Chinese magazine. We thought
that it was appropriate to add a little comment.
LET'S COUNTER THE PROPAGANDA WITH SOME
TRUTH... - Soon a new campaign of lies and propaganda is to hit the
United States, a nation well on its way to be crippled by many problems, last but not
least the social cancer of anti-tobacco.
So, just to have some fun, let us dissect an
animated banner, and perform some counter-propaganda of our own. But let us be fair and
give credits where credits are due. This piece of garbage belongs to The Campaign for
Tobacco-Free Kids.
A JOKE FOR THESE SAD TIMES
STARRWARS - Right
on the wave of the
AMAJAMABOGUS (The
director of JAMA has just been fired for this -- thank God) here is a hilarious poster
about the Clinton saga. We are complimenting the author of this great piece of political
satire, while we are still wiping the tears off our eyes, though one eye cried for the
excessive laughter, while the other one cried for the excessive sorrow...
Health Alert: Save your children from the
chocolate cartel! - Reader, member and contributor of FORCES
Jesse Silverman sends us this short piece. It is supposed to be funny -- and it
is. But really, there are a lot of potentially dangerous substances in chocolate... and
the chocolate industry is rich! Plus chocolate is not essential to diet, it
can be lethal to diabetics, it gives pleasure, thus it can be addictive,
and THERE ARE NO HEALTH HAZARD WARNING LABELS on the packages -- situation that
should be remedied immediately. The Nazis love to enmesh the concept of progress
with the ones of repression and state control. It is a fact that what was laughable and
unthinkable yesterday is sadly real and popular today. So health Nazis, what are you
waiting for? Here is a new Klondike for the taking!
 Let's have some fun with JAMA
- Since we are close to Christmas, we thought that some humour would cheer up our
readers. So we are reporting the latest piece of propaganda of JAMA. "Wait a
moment" -- you may say -- "this is not laughing matter!"
Maybe you are right. There is nothing to laugh about
corruption of science and the dissemination of false information that affects the liberty
of people. So we decided to "marry" sadness with happiness. We are reporting the
piece, but under each sentence we have re-written the article in bold as it should be
written if the truth was spoken. The result is sadly amusing.
Merry Christmas 1998!
Between the depressingly serious and the
facetiously real there is...
FORCES' FAVORITE SPORT:
DEBUNKING ANTISMOKING RUBBISH - We have received this latest piece of
propaganda by the London Times. The piece, written by James Pringle, contains the usual
array of distorted (sorry, in this case plain false) information about the WHO-created
"smoking epidemic." Except for a few innovations, pretty much routine. So we
decided to have some fun, take the unabridged article, and debunk the propaganda a
paragraph at a time. We found it quite amusing -- after working hard to bring you FORCES,
we deserve some levity! So, forgive our indulgence, and have some fun with us!
PASS IT ON TO THE PRESIDENT, HEALTH AND
SENIOR SERVICES... - In view of some of the cigar details from the
Clinton scandals, this anti-smoking slogan sure acquires double meanings...
After the terrifying revelations of the California's Health Board
about the link between smoking and male impotency, we at FORCES are in a frenzy. How can
we possibly fight this overwhelming disclosure? I say, the antis got us this time! Male
readers who smoke are invited to click the box below to find out whether or not they are
still ... viable!
Emergency
smoking-related impotency test
Click here
|
THE MECHANICS OF ANTI-TOBACCO JUNK SCIENCE
THE ETHYL ALCOHOL INDECENCY
ENTERTAINMENT INDEX - We couldn't quite believe the inanity of the
American Lung Association's youth movie ratings. After we pulled ourselves off the floor,
not quite sure whether we'd been laughing or crying, we started wondering what it would be
like if a panel of similar "experts" were to look at alcohol in the movies. We
convened an imaginary taskforce of hygienically-minded movie critics and sent them into
movieland to come up with ...
CALIFORNIA'S BILL BOARDS: THE WAY IT IS, AND
THE WAY IT REALLY IS - The people of California in
general and San Francisco in particular are getting used to the communist-style propaganda
against tobacco, all paid by the parassitic California Tobacco Control with the immense
revenues from Prop99, a taxation on cigarette to be used to finace the spreading of lies
and propaganda on a grand scale. Some humorous approach does not hurt, however, for
this is the way the billboards are, and
this is the way they should be, if they would represent the
truth. (Please note: we have defaced the picture portraying the actual billboard to
prevent antismokers from distributing it in schools to spread lies and intolerance among
the children).
OFFICIAL EUROPEAN
LANGUAGE... WITH SOME MODIFICATIONS! - Taking a break from the
intensity of the tobacco war, here is some humour from The
Funny Pages on Europe's adoption of English as official language for the United
Europe. Unfortunately, English has become the language of antitobacco, but fortunately,
the cultural diversity and historical experience of Europe with the consequences of
repression give us high hopes that the antismoking cancer will be kept at bay.
The first revelations from the publication of tobacco documents
THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY DID IT ALL ALONG: Here is proof
HELP BALANCE THE BUDGET! - The
rip-off of smokers and the hypocrisy of the state is well-depicted in this cartoon by Beattie,
published by the Austin American Statesman.
BUDDY'S FOREIGN POLICY - American
diplomacy and foreign affairs have reached a new low. Ol' Yassir Arafat comes to
Washington to discuss the middle east peace accords, and gets an update, prime time live
no less, on our president's extra-marital sex life.
MAD DOG WAGGING - With all the
turmoil in Washington D.C. about President Clinton's preference for oral sex with interns
and bimbos, it occurred to me what his hidden agenda could be in naming his dog
"Buddy."
HUMOUR: SATIRICAL PRESS RELEASE ON THE
ANTISMOKERS - Read a press release by Dr. John
Banzmoke, president of Action on Smoking, Second Hand, and Other Legal Experiments (ASSHOLE), concerning the premature death
of Jeanne Calment of France, who was 122. Let us say that Jeanne is yet another victim of
the tobacco companies, lurid merchants of death!
SCIENCE ACCORDING TO MODERN
STATISTICS...
WHAT TOBACCO BILLBOARDS WOULD LOOK LIKE
IF THE GOVERNMENT WERE HONEST
An unrelated topic:
"GOOD LUCK, MR.
GORSKY!"
HOW THE ANTISMOKERS
FIGURE THEIR NUMBERS... We have discovered how the antismokers figure
tobacco-related deaths and social costs...
THE FINAL EVIDENCE
AGAINST SMOKING The Health Authorities have finally procured the final evidence
against smoking. To date, this is the best and most devastating evidence against tobacco.
THIS SIGN IS FOR YOU!
...Enough of the old "NO SMOKING" sign, antismokers -- this new sign truly
represents you...
A CAMEL IS ALWAYS A
CAMEL... See the CAMEL ad from Spain! Courtesy of "El Fumador",
the Spanish pro-choice on smoking organization.
THE FUTURE ACCORDING TO
THE HEALTH FASCISTS - OR: - the dream of Dingwall and McPhail, ministers of
"Health"!
NICOTINE-ADDICTED CATS:
New frontiers in veterinary health!
FOR A SADLY HUMOROUS ENTERTAINMENT, FORCES Canada
PRESENTS:
THE BEST OF ASH
- Our organization is not in the habit of praising an opponent. This time,
however, we must make an exception.
FOR A LITTLE BIT OF LEVITY... Sometimes, the zealotry of the antismokers exceeds their own stupidity,
especially when administrators are involved, and that's fun! Come inside and have a good
time!
LINK
BETWEEN H.I.V. AND TOBACCO FOUND! - In the Bay area of San
Francisco, the anti-smoking industry seems to have found yet another link between tobacco
and some illness! " The issue of tobacco advertising is strongly linked to the
issue of H.I.V. and breast cancer", says the ad in dubious language, while
praising a few local businesses who have "voluntarily agreed" to reduce the
amount of tobacco advertising in their stores. What would you do if you tried to keep your
business afloat while under psychological duresse?Of course, the ad is paid with the
tobacco tax extorted from smokers to run a campaign against them! To view the document,
click on the icon. When done, click on the "back" button of your viewer.
THEATRE OF THE ABSURD - In
Boulder, CO, smoking has been banned in all public buildings, including the Boulder Dinner
Theatre where a production of the Broadway musical "Grand Hotel" includes a
one-minute scene where a couple of characters smoke. After an irate patron called the
cops, the owner of the theatre was ordered to cut the scene or face 90 days in jail and a
$1000 fine. The copyright law, however, forbids him to alter the scene at risk of civil
litigation. "It's so funny," said the copyright owner of the play. "In
these censorious times, everyone goes home and sits around the dinner table and talks
about how great it is to live in a free country." (Phila. Inquirer 4/28/96) [Courtesy
of Linda Stewart]
SONG
FOR THE NEW PROHIBITIONISM
- A lady reader with talent, and a keen sense of humour sends us this song, to the tune of
"John Brown's Body". Post it at your home or business, or sing it with your
friends, maybe in a nonsmoking pub, or during a nonsmoking flight!
I DIDN'T DO IT!
- In
Farmingdale, NY, a man fell into a water tank, breaking a lot of bones. In mental as well
as physical extremis for half an afternoon as rescuers tried to get to him, he pleaded
with a Johnny-on-the-spot paramedic to give him a cigarette. As the paramedic boasted to
ABC News, "Of course, I didn't do it." (ABC-TV "Eyewitness News,"
2/12/96)
THE FORGOTTEN ITEM - "Once upon a time NASA decided to send
3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage
each..."
A NEAR FUTURE AFTER DINNER DOSE OF PC FDA
NICOTINE - Just very few years ago, this funny piece from Smokin' Joe would have been
still very funny, however, something completely fictional. But what about today, or even
just a few years into the future?
In America, the scenario that Joe depicts is not
just possible, but even probable. So, while laughing and enjoying this piece,
consider that this is something very close to what the sick minds of the anti-tobacco
operatives are up to… so think if you really want to just sit and let it become
reality. How many of us would have been in stitches if somebody would have said that ETS
would be harmful in parks only five years ago?
NEW
SMOKABLE NICOTINE STICKS! - "Manufactured by QuitLabs, a Winston-Salem, NC,
pharmaceutical company, Nicarest is made of processed tobacco by-products and medicated
with carefully calculated doses of nicotine and antibiotic "tar." Nicarest has
won the endorsement of the Surgeon General, American Cancer Society and American Medical
Association, and has quickly become the most popular stop-smoking aid on the market."
Well.....we KNEW smoking would be OK as long as
a 'pharmaceutical' was making a buck off it.
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