INTERNATIONAL LIBERTY NEWS NETWORK

Rationale - By undermining its own customer base and convincing the youth that "public health's" junk science is true and that "smoking kills", PM reverses its past position when it financed studies that undermined antitobacco's epidemiological junk science. As we know, with this kind of multifactorial epidemiological studies nothing can be scientifically proven but everything can be enumerated through opinion-based attributions. Acting this way PM wants to inspire trust in the stockholders which will pay more for its shares because PM "sanitizes" its image by kissing the butt of "public health" and stating that its product "kills". That in turn should inspire stockholders' confidence, since PM is telling the world that its product must not be purchased. If we follow the declared intents of PM, the logical conclusion can only be one: there will be profits and dividends by not selling cigarettes that nobody wants. As the product of two negatives is a positive, that should be read: there will be profits and dividends by selling cigarettes that everybody wants. In the meantime, PM's name made it again to newspapers' pages, and even to the pages of FORCES.

Given a twisted culture with inverted values and an upside-down logic, all this looks as straight as an arrow. If you are now scratching your heads while smoking a cigarette, stop scratching your head because your baldness will be "caused" by smoking - take the word of "public health" now confirmed by Philip Morris (or vice-versa). In the meantime, please note how graciously the gods of "public health education" take the satanic 20 million for the noble purpose of smoking "prevention". Did you still need a demonstration of the intellectual confusion, hypocrisy and moral/institutional perversion, today? We hope that you are happy now. Just don't buy Philip Morris cigarettes and stocks (buy the competition's), and make PM's declared dream come true.

January 29, 2007 - A concentrated dose of BS - As a public service we offer this brief advertisement that will fulfil your quota of pharmaceutical shilling.  After watching this you will not have to pay attention to the non-stop drug ads that pollute your television screen.  You will have heard it and seen it all in one easy session.  All you have to do is completely suspend belief and wrap yourself in a comfy cocoon of Big Pharma love.

January 18, 2007 - Benign Brainwashing - The holiday season may be just a memory but as we all can attest, it is never too early to prepare for Christmas.  In the spirit of benevolence and generosity we offer a superb marketing ploy for both Big Tobacco and Big Pharma.  These rapacious corporate rapscallions both can benefit from a new warm and fuzzy image so we hope they accept our gratis aid in retooling their tarnished image for Christmas 2007.

November 13, 2006 - Antis: what to expect - Interesting, humorous and very realistic chart published by The Smokers' Club on the usual and predictable chain of excuses and reactions about smoking bans. Useful for serious anti-ban activism as well as for a chuckle about the stupidity of human nature.

October 16, 2006 - This Bronx boy is #!$]% angry - “Not since the Continental Congress has anyone heard a speech so powerful and yet so eloquent as the gentleman in this video, telling us what he thinks about smoking bans. A must for anyone looking for insight as to what is going on with the issue!” Well, kinda...

This New Jersey strip club owner is #!$]% angry about the smoking bans and – since he’s apparently in a non-ban zone – he’s inviting the world to come and visit his club. We can’t help but wonder whether he’s actually fighting the #!$]% smoking bans, or just video-trolling for new customers until the axe of a new ordinance falls! (Warning: strong #!$]% language).

September 24 - Is broccoli in or out this week? Does today’s most recent study “raise concerns about” or find “promising” therapeutic effects for nicotine, carbs, mangos, sunlight, video games or even your favourite exercise?
 If you’re tired of what you read and see in the Health and Lifestyle department of your newspaper or on TV, check out this one and settle your most pressing questions once and for all (the source for this piece is, alas, unknown).
 
 HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
 
 Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
 
 A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
 
 Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
  
 A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
 efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
 And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
 
 Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
 
 A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
 goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! 
 
 Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
 
 A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

August 5, 2005 - The Purification of Sesame Street - John Banzhaf, Hitler and Goebels join the good ol' Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch for fun, games and learning in the fit and fat-free 21st century! Follow the re-education of your favourite Sesame Street characters as the health regime straightens 'em up, in this new FORCES serial by Eric Blair.

March 20, 2005 - For the pious - A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon. 

·         Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

·         The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

·         The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

·         The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.

·         The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

·         The first worm in alcohol - dead.

·         Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.

·         Third worm in sperm - dead.

·         Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive!

So the Minister asked the congregation:  "What can you learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said; "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms.

March 21, 2004 - When dreams come true - We now take you to the august chambers of the United States Congress where a heretic is examined by a notorious inquisitor.  One by one the modern Torquemada hurls questions at the heretic only to be met with a fusillade of clear-spoken rationality that blasts the inquisitor's pretenses to smithereens.

We've all imagined an appearance before those whose intellect, understanding and morality are deficient yet still hold the reins of power.  We make mincemeat of their arguments, converting the fair-minded to the ways of the truth.  Such reveries are the stuff of a yearning to wipe away all the garbage that is smothering our society.  One author has imagined it perfectly, providing some excellent talking points, and has skewered two of the most repulsive anti-smokers whom everyone loves to hate.

November 7, 2003 - Americans Demand Increased Government Protection From Selves -  Alarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation that will protect them from their own behavior.

"The government is finally starting to take some responsibility for the effect my behavior has on others," said New York City resident Alec Haverchuk, 44, who is prohibited by law from smoking in restaurants and bars. "But we have a long way to go. I can still light up on city streets and in the privacy of my own home. I mean, legislators acknowledge that my cigarette smoke could give others cancer, but don't they care about me, too?"

Yes, it's satire but read it through completely and ask yourself this.  In five years, or less, will this take on the culture of hysteria be amusing or prophetic?

June 9, 2003 - Study finds Jack Shit - “BALTIMORE — A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit. ‘I can't explain what happened,’ head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. ‘We meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result. Instead, we found out nothing.’ “

The always irreverent crew at The Onion have finally found discovered junkscience as a subject for satire. Does this mean the topic has finally come of age?

March 5, 2003 - ... A TOUCH OF HUMOUR TO FIT THE TIMES
 

SMOKING TODAY (...or: what it takes to have the right to enjoy a cigarette indoors) Click on the image to see it larger in a new window.

September 17 - Smoke Gets In Their Eyes -  Speaking of silly, self-righteous losers, we bring to you a delightfully amusing piece about the anti-tobacco fanatics of today and their predecessors.  Cal Thomas' take on the futility of the war on tobacco is a few years old but it is more relevant now than then since it's becoming evident that, just like the anti-smoking agenda 90 years ago, this one too shall pass.

September 17 - Drop Your Smokes And Come Out With Your Hands Up

January 16, 2001 - UNITED STATES: CONGRESS APPROVES THE AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT - In these times of political correctness, when people affected by retardation are called "physically challenged", and the plain dumb renamed as "intellectually disadvantaged", the race is on to dumb down society to the lowest common intellectual denominator. Those do not comply with the trend are accused of discrimination. With such environment, it is only logical that a joke like this is widely circulated. The funny part is the joke itself. The sad part is that one third of the people the letter was sent to, has written back asking for more information.

YESTERDAY, revised today - November 26, 2000 - Sung to the tune of Yesterday song by the Beatles, here are some very contemporary lyrics by James Leavey. Let's have a laugh together!

HEIL HEALTH 2000 -- INTERVIEW WITH AL GORE:
ANTITOBACCO -- "THE SKY WOULD BE THE LIMIT"
Added January 12, 2000

What we report here is humorous -- but is it? If Al Gore is elected, smokers better start tattooing themselves.

Surrounded by our satire, the bit in blue is what Gore actually said during an interview.

Al Gore promises that you will be healthy -- healthy at all costs -- if you want to belong to the Health Supremacy Group that already leads the nation, and be a model for the youth of the regime. During an immense antismoking parade organised by major medical and health organisations, and in the presence of over 100,000 health activists aligned in perfectly square ranks, Mr. Goering (oops -- typo: Gore) promised the cleansing of America from the evil tobacco industry, that secretly pulls the strings of American economy, and from its subhuman followers.

At the speech. Mr. Gore revealed the most recent junk data the sophisticated, powerful CDC computers could generate for the occasion.

To the question: "If the Supreme Court strikes down the FDA's authority to regulate nicotine in cigarettes which people say could happen, would a Gore Administration push very hard and initiate legislation through Congress that would give the FDA authority to regulate tobacco?", Gore answered:

"Sure. The answer is yes. I would aggressively pursue the authority for FDA to regulate nicotine. It is a drug. It's obviously a drug. It's more addictive, according to many scientists, it's more addictive than heroine or cocaine. And it certainly kills a lot more people. We lose more Americans to smoking every year than the total number of Americans who died in all of World War II alone. I mean if we were losing that many Americans to the actions of a foreign military power every year, what do you think we would do in response?"

"The sky would be the limit. Yet we're taking this lying down because it's been ingrained in our culture, because of the billions of dollars in mental conditioning by the cigarette companies. It's the single largest cause of preventable death in the nation -- the single largest cause of preventable serious disease in the nation. And you bet I would seek to regulate nicotine as a drug."

Faced with the opportunity to bypass once again the obsolete institutions of a worn out democracy, and being offered the prospect of healthy immortality by the Neo-Socialist state in return, the crowd was delirious. Antismoking banners of galactic dimensions were then dropped from the sky by several dirigibles ordered on the scene by Gro Harlem Brundtland of the World Health Order for the occasion. The air ships were courtesy of Johnson & Johnson family of companies, and the International Pharmaceutical Brotherhood, which is sharing the WHO's direktorate with the US government.

November 7, 2003 - Americans Demand Increased Government Protection From Selves - Alarmed by the unhealthy choices they make every day, more and more Americans are calling on the government to enact legislation that will protect them from their own behavior.

"The government is finally starting to take some responsibility for the effect my behavior has on others," said New York City resident Alec Haverchuk, 44, who is prohibited by law from smoking in restaurants and bars. "But we have a long way to go. I can still light up on city streets and in the privacy of my own home. I mean, legislators acknowledge that my cigarette smoke could give others cancer, but don't they care about me, too?"

Yes, it's satire but read it through completely and ask yourself this.  In five years, or less, will this take on the culture of hysteria be amusing or prophetic?

June 9 - Study finds Jack Shit - “BALTIMORE — A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit. ‘I can't explain what happened,’ head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. ‘We meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result. Instead, we found out nothing.’ “

A LITTLE BIT OF ARROGANCE... - The following is an actual transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October 1995.

BIGGEST HEALTH HAZARD IN AMERICA -- PROOF!! - A nice piece of humour found on the alt.smokers newsgroup by Felt Lair (FORCES Minnesota) about the stupidity of epidemiological associations in multifacxtorial diseases. Enjoy!

A LAWYER STUDIES INSECTS IN PREPARATION TO SUE - "Encouraged by the recent, near success in an unprecedented, dog vs master lawsuit for cruelty, Harry Bomfield, a Baltimore lawyer, is leaving no stone uncovered in seaching for a new animal victim to represent."

THE CLINTON MEMORIAL - Anti-tobacco and Bill Clinton are now an inseparable historical shame. One day, the Clinton memorial will be there to remember, we all hope, a forgotten legacy.

BILL CLINTON LOSES HIS FACIAL PROSTHESIS! (and shows the true face of anti-smoking) - Wars, repression, over-regulations, persecution, scandals, endemic corruption, junk science, anti-smoking, and looting. This is the America of Bill Clinton. We always wondered about the reason of such evil, but the other day the surgical prosthesis that Bill is usually wearing accidentally fell from his face, and it all became clear. A Chinese reporter was there to take this picture, that later got published by a Chinese magazine. We thought that it was appropriate to add a little comment.

A JOKE FOR THESE SAD TIMES

STARRWARS - Right on the wave of the AMAJAMABOGUS (The director of JAMA has just been fired for this -- thank God) here is a hilarious poster about the Clinton saga. We are complimenting the author of this great piece of political satire, while we are still wiping the tears off our eyes, though one eye cried for the excessive laughter, while the other one cried for the excessive sorrow...

 Health Alert: Save your children from the chocolate cartel! - Reader, member and contributor of FORCES Jesse Silverman sends us this short piece. It is supposed to be funny -- and it is. But really, there are a lot of potentially dangerous substances in chocolate... and the chocolate industry is rich! Plus chocolate is not essential to diet, it can be lethal to diabetics, it gives pleasure, thus it can be addictive, and THERE ARE NO HEALTH HAZARD WARNING LABELS on the packages -- situation that should be remedied immediately. The Nazis love to enmesh the concept of progress with the ones of repression and state control. It is a fact that what was laughable and unthinkable yesterday is sadly real and popular today. So health Nazis, what are you waiting for? Here is a new Klondike for the taking!

Between the depressingly serious and the facetiously real there is... FORCES' FAVORITE SPORT: DEBUNKING ANTISMOKING RUBBISH - We have received this latest piece of propaganda by the London Times. The piece, written by James Pringle, contains the usual array of distorted (sorry, in this case plain false) information about the WHO-created "smoking epidemic." Except for a few innovations, pretty much routine. So we decided to have some fun, take the unabridged article, and debunk the propaganda a paragraph at a time. We found it quite amusing -- after working hard to bring you FORCES, we deserve some levity! So, forgive our indulgence, and have some fun with us!

PASS IT ON TO THE PRESIDENT, HEALTH AND SENIOR SERVICES... - In view of some of the cigar details from the Clinton scandals, this anti-smoking slogan sure acquires double meanings...

After the terrifying revelations of the California's Health Board about the link between smoking and male impotency, we at FORCES are in a frenzy. How can we possibly fight this overwhelming disclosure? I say, the antis got us this time! Male readers who smoke are invited to click the box below to find out whether or not they are still ... viable!

THE ETHYL ALCOHOL INDECENCY ENTERTAINMENT INDEX - We couldn't quite believe the inanity of the American Lung Association's youth movie ratings. After we pulled ourselves off the floor, not quite sure whether we'd been laughing or crying, we started wondering what it would be like if a panel of similar "experts" were to look at alcohol in the movies. We convened an imaginary taskforce of hygienically-minded movie critics and sent them into movieland to come up with ...

CALIFORNIA'S BILL BOARDS: THE WAY IT IS, AND THE WAY IT REALLY IS - The people of California in general and San Francisco in particular are getting used to the communist-style propaganda against tobacco, all paid by the parassitic California Tobacco Control with the immense revenues from Prop99, a taxation on cigarette to be used to finace the spreading of lies and propaganda on a grand scale. Some humorous approach does not hurt, however, for this is the way the billboards are, and this is the way they should be, if they would represent the truth. (Please note: we have defaced the picture portraying the actual billboard to prevent antismokers from distributing it in schools to spread lies and intolerance among the children).

The first revelations from the publication of tobacco documents

THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY DID IT ALL ALONG: Here is proof

HELP BALANCE THE BUDGET! - The rip-off of smokers and the hypocrisy of the state is well-depicted in this cartoon by Beattie, published by the Austin American Statesman.

BUDDY'S FOREIGN POLICY - American diplomacy and foreign affairs have reached a new low. Ol' Yassir Arafat comes to Washington to discuss the middle east peace accords, and gets an update, prime time live no less, on our president's extra-marital sex life.

HUMOUR: SATIRICAL PRESS RELEASE ON THE ANTISMOKERS - Read a press release by Dr. John Banzmoke, president of Action on Smoking, Second Hand, and Other Legal Experiments (ASSHOLE), concerning the premature death of Jeanne Calment of France, who was 122. Let us say that Jeanne is yet another victim of the tobacco companies, lurid merchants of death!

 SCIENCE ACCORDING TO MODERN STATISTICS...

 

WHAT TOBACCO BILLBOARDS WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THE GOVERNMENT WERE HONEST

An unrelated topic: "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY!"

 

FOR A LITTLE BIT OF LEVITY... Sometimes, the zealotry of the antismokers exceeds their own stupidity, especially when administrators are involved, and that's fun! Come inside and have a good time!

LINK BETWEEN H.I.V. AND TOBACCO FOUND! - In the Bay area of San Francisco, the anti-smoking industry seems to have found yet another link between tobacco and some illness! " The issue of tobacco advertising is strongly linked to the issue of H.I.V. and breast cancer", says the ad in dubious language, while praising a few local businesses who have "voluntarily agreed" to reduce the amount of tobacco advertising in their stores. What would you do if you tried to keep your business afloat while under psychological duresse?Of course, the ad is paid with the tobacco tax extorted from smokers to run a campaign against them! To view the document, click on the icon. When done, click on the "back" button of your viewer.

THEATRE OF THE ABSURD - In Boulder, CO, smoking has been banned in all public buildings, including the Boulder Dinner Theatre where a production of the Broadway musical "Grand Hotel" includes a one-minute scene where a couple of characters smoke. After an irate patron called the cops, the owner of the theatre was ordered to cut the scene or face 90 days in jail and a $1000 fine. The copyright law, however, forbids him to alter the scene at risk of civil litigation. "It's so funny," said the copyright owner of the play. "In these censorious times, everyone goes home and sits around the dinner table and talks about how great it is to live in a free country." (Phila. Inquirer 4/28/96) [Courtesy of Linda Stewart]

I DIDN'T DO IT! - In Farmingdale, NY, a man fell into a water tank, breaking a lot of bones. In mental as well as physical extremis for half an afternoon as rescuers tried to get to him, he pleaded with a Johnny-on-the-spot paramedic to give him a cigarette. As the paramedic boasted to ABC News, "Of course, I didn't do it." (ABC-TV "Eyewitness News," 2/12/96)

Well.....we KNEW smoking would be OK as long as a 'pharmaceutical' was making a buck off it.