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The comedian and Britain's former Pipesmoker of the Year tells
James Leavey how he lights up.
JL: Where did you first start smoking?
RA: In the back of the bike sheds, at Chester City grammar
school, where I remember being caught. We used to stand on the
corner of the playground, which was sort of L-shaped, and I
was down the end, keeping a lookout in case any of the masters
of prefects came along. The following morning, the headmaster
at assembly called out a big list of names, myself included,
and he questioned us. He said, "You're known as the 'Smoking
Gang'." We didn't know that where we were standing was the
corner of the gym, you see, and the gym had a flat roof, and
there was a master on the roof, looking over the top. We'd
look around, backwards and forwards, but never thought of
looking
up.
JL: Do you smoke cigars as well as a pipe?
RA: Yes, I do.
JL: What cigars do you actually smoke?
RA: Davidoff No.3s, which is like a torpedo. I used to
smoke Montecristo No.2s.
JL: How many pipes do you own?
RA: Oh gosh, at a guess I would say about eight, but only
about three are in use.
JL: What's your favourite pipe?
RA: The one I've got in my pocket at the moment, an
Astley's briar. I've also got two pipes which belonged to
George V.
JL: Have you?
RA: Yeah. A pal of mine I was playing golf with bought them
in a job lot. He didn't smoke pipes and he said 'Would you
like them?" They've got the 'V ' on the silver band. One's a
Meerschaum and one's a little curved pipe.
JL: So you could do the 'Gentlemen, you may smoke' sort of
thing, couldn't you?
RA: Yeah. After the loyal toast.
JL: What pipe tobacco do you smoke?
RA: Condor Mild.
JL: Have you always smoked it?
RA: Yes. I smoke St Bruno occasionally. It depends if you
can't get the brand. It's not everywhere which stocks Condor
Mild. Then I'll smoke Bruno Rough Cut, or some Errimore maybe.
JL: Why do so many comedians smoke?
RA: I don't really know. I'm not a heavy smoker, certainly
not with a pipe. Because with a pipe you don't start until
late in the day.
JL: Is that because it takes so long to light it?
RA: Well, I suppose because it's quite satisfying. When I
used to smoke cigarettes I'd wake up the next day and spend an
hour over the sink, coughing, first thing in the morning. But
now, with the pipe, I can go all day without one (a smoke).
JL: Do you ever smoke during a performance?
RA: No, I've never done that.No, I tell a lie. I've smoked
a Church Warden pipe in a musical, because it was to do with
the character.
JL: You've not used a pipe in the same way George Burns
used cigars, for timing?
RA: No. I smoked a pipe in September Song, only because I
thought the character I was playing was a pipe smoker.
JL: What do you say when someone asks you to put your pipe
out?
RA: I'll put it out if it offends anybody. It doesn't upset
me.
JL: You're not bothered, even if you're in a smoking area.
RA: No. The thing is nowadays most places don't allow
pipesmoking, anyway, which I think is rather bizarre, because
I think they're probably more pleasant-smelling than
cigarettes.
JL: So where do you smoke?
RA: Occasionally, you can find a restaurant which allows
pipesmoking. If I'm in a restaurant which allows cigar
smoking, I'll smoke a cigar.
JL: Who would you like most to share a smoke with - alive
or dead?
RA: I suppose, because of the pipe connection, I wouldn't
mind a smoke with Eric Morecambe.
JL: Do you ever share a smoke with him?
RA: No. I met him on occasions.
JL: Would you like to have got to know him better?
RA: Yes. He was such a great wit. I remember being at the
Palladium to see 'Singing in the Rain'. My second son, who was
a teenager at the time, about twelve or thirteen, his mum had
bought him a leather suit. He wasn't really keen on wearing
this particular suit, but his mum made him wear it. We were
ordering interval drinks prior to the show in the bar and Eric
walked up behind me and said, "Russ. I see you've brought your
wallet with you." My son sulked all the way through the
performance.
JL: Is smoking cool?
RA: I don't think so. No. You mean in the sense of being
trendy?
JL: Any sense at all.
RA: Nah.
JL: Do you smoke after sex?
RA: I've never looked.
JL: Have you got a better answer - that's the third time
I've heard that one!
RA: I don't think a pipe is very apt, do you? You can't
really sit on a bed and smoke a pipe. So no, I don't smoke in
bed.
JL: Fair enough. Have you ever set fire to a bed?
RA: No.
JL: What is your favourite smoking moment?
RA: I wouldn't say it was a favourite moment, but I
remember setting the fire alarms off in the BBC television
centre at White City. I was just in the corridor smoking a
pipe. Security came round and sorted out what it was. It
happened at Granada Studios as well, much to my dismay. And I
thought I was in the right place at the right time, you know,
but it must have been very sensitive because the fire brigade
turned up for that one. The fireman came down, and he was on
his walky-talky calling back to base, and he said. "No panic.
It's just some comedian, smoking a pipe." I was totally
embarrassed.
JL: Whose doorway would you like most to smoke in?
RA: Steven Spielberg's, I suppose. I'd be hoping he might
open up and see who's out there, and let me in. Or any great
film director who'd think, "Where's the smell coming from?"
And offer me a part. Failing that, I wouldn't mind sharing a
smoke with late Michael Williams. Talking about films, I
used to tell a story of the time I went to see a 3-D film in a
cinema, when smoking was still allowed. I put the glasses
on and was walking down the aisle when I bumped into a guy and
said, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the smoking seats
are?" And the guy said, "Don't ask me, I'm in the film." |
