The British inventor
of the clockwork radio, lights up. If only he would invent
something that would knock some sense, and a little tolerance, into
the thick skulls of vehement anti-smokers...
JL: Where did you start
smoking?
TB: Well, I guess I
started by way of an affectation when I was about 17. I worked in a
laboratory, my first job, and it was the first time I had a chance
of getting a bit of an education by attending day release at the
local tech. I used to smoke a pipe because it made you look very
cerebral - I was going through that funny stage, which stayed
through me for the rest of my life Then I went in to the army and
did my national service as a physical training instructor. I had
already been swimming for Britain before that and that’s how I
became a PTI. The beauty was I could smoke a smoke whilst on duty
whereas others couldn’t smoke their cigarettes. Basically I found
the pipe had a remarkable influence on my life. After I did my
military service I became a stunt man, mainly for TV. But I also
did an underwater escape act in a Berlin circus. What I used to do
was light my pipe up and simultaneously psyche myself up, saying, “
Come on, you can do it, don’t be big girl’s blouse.” And then I’d do
my fire dive. Afterwards, I’d get my pipe out and light it up and
congratulate myself, “ Cor! What a clever bastard you are.” So a
pipe gave me the confidence to get applause, which I’d deserved.
JL: What do you smoke
now?
TB: I’ve always smoked
‘Condor’ long cut, but when I was doing my military service there
was a martial tobacco called ‘War Horse’, also made by Gallahers. I
couldn’t get hold of some ‘Condor’, at one time so I bought some
‘War Horse’ and went to the camp
kinema to watch the programme. I started smoking this stuff and then
when it came to the national anthem, they all stood up, and I fell
over. It was too strong for me. So then I came back to ‘Condor’
and I’ve been on at for the rest of my life (Trevor is in his 60s).
Now just think on this: I get through a box of Swan Vestas every
day, and every time I light my pipe I get a little bit of pleasure.
The average contents in a box of Swan Vestas is 85 matches. If you
multiply those matches by 365 days a year, forget leap years, times
47 years, I’ve had 1.6 million little bits of pleasure denied to the
other guy or girl. And seeing as I have just walked 100 miles
through the Namib Desert in temperatures of 46 degrees, you’ll
notice that I’m not in iron lung.
JL: What do you say when
someone asks you to put your pipe out?
TB: Well, I usually show
a certain amount of respect but then if they have a habit I might
pick them up on their habit too.
JL: Give me an example.
TB: Somebody might fart.
JL: Who would you most
like to share a smoke with?
TB: I guess it would be
with fellow inventors, chewing the fat. There’s an extraordinary
camaraderie between true inventors, because we all seem to be
referred to as being mad. And there’s some truth in that. The
trouble is if you have a good idea you can’t go down the pub and
tell them all about it because you’ll lose your idea. And if you
can’t talk to anybody, who do you talk to? Yourself. That’s the
first stage of madness.
JL: Is smoking cool?
TB: Smoking a pipe when I
was a youngster definitely was trendy. My attitude about my pipe is
if someone’s got a problem with it, then it’s their problem, not
mine. My bank manager said to me, “Mr Baylis, I’m a bit worried
about your overdraft. I said , “I’m glad you are, ‘cos there’s no
point in us both worrying about it.”
JL: Do you smoke after
sex?
TB: I’ve never looked -
the old gag.
JL: Ever set fire to a
bed?
TB: Yes, I guess I have.
JL: How many?
TB: Can’t remember how
hot she was...
JL:
What is your favourite smoking moment?
TB: I must
confess there are very moments of the day that I’m not smoking my
pipe. It is a great thing for it keeps my mouth shut for a bit, and
I do talk a lot. I do thoroughly enjoy it. Mind you, I can’t tell
the difference between vindaloo and vanilla
JL: Whose doorway would
you like most to smoke in?
TB: I’m trying to think
of a gorgeous girl who has a doorway… Marlene Dietrich, if she was
still with us.
JL: She’d probably join
you, at least for the smoke.
TB: Yes, with her fishnet
stockings straight round my neck.
JL: Have you ever thought
of giving up smoking?
TB: I thought about it. And then I got up. |
