May 26, 1999 - On the new billboards in Massachusetts we can see anti-smoking hysteria running totally amok.

Try this for size: "470,000 die from smoking every year."

The latest bunch of crap about smoking-related deaths in the US was 400,000, that actually should have been 419,000, so they have gone up another 50,000. If those bodies were real and we could line them up side by side we would fill several football fields, but since each "corps" is about the size of an electron (or of a sick neuronal cell in the head of the "creative creators") all those bodies don't take up much space!

Perhaps people did not hate smokers enough... or perhaps smokers are not scared enough... Ah, they must have touched up the statistical assumptions in the CDC's MACROSOFT SAMMEC II ^® software. That must be it. Or perhaps, it is just the good idea of some "honest" and "concerned" Health Department bureaucrat who needs a promotion... who knows, and who cares? In the absolute anarchy of lies that anti-tobacco has become anything goes, for it is completely out of control. This article from the pharmaceutical industry (one of the major financers of the anti-tobacco cartel), even promises anti-cancer drugs while the real origins of cancer are not even truly known.

Long ago, we developed the portable bullshitometer (right) to measure the passive smoke-related deaths. With such an accurate instrument, we can determine that the deaths related to second hand smoke are exceeding the 100,000 a year in a good day. This simply means that we have to mortgage 10,000 deaths from next year's assets, not a problem -- shut up, put those objections under the rug! Are you paid by the tobacco industry?...

But now CDC has something far better than our home-made device: a tool so powerful, it can put Nostradamus to shame.

With MACROSOFT SAMMEC II ^® software, virtual deaths feel like the real thing! With this incredibly versatile software, corporate customers such as the WHO can stretch graphs, iconize coffins, rotate the truth, run economies in the background, minimize science to a pixel size, alter tax revenues, add/eliminate smuggling dither, turn profitable crops into non-profitable ones and vice-versa, even create world epidemics and synthesize impressive speeches. Private users can create their own domestic epidemic -- the applications are truly limitless.

And the MACROSOFT SAMMEC II ^® software is not even limited to tobacco! With the right financial plug-ins, it becomes compatible with food, alcohol, coffee, salt & sugar, soft drinks, and a myriad of other substances and personal behaviours that can be imported by the user at a click of the mouse.

And now, the nations of the world are offered a deal they simply cannot refuse:
buy MACROSOFT SAMMEC II ^® -- "The software that pays for itself" -- and get updates for free!

Let's cheer up with links to Henry Payne cartoons in Reason Magazine.

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® MACROSOFT SAMMEC II is a registered trademark of Anti-Tobacco Cartel, Inc. All profits reserved.

Gian Turci
FORCES INTERNATIONAL