No, the research paper we link to isn’t a deliberate joke. It’s just plain crazy. Smokers, you see, are all addicts, because there is no reason to smoke, although chemical dependence can’t fully explain behavior, since some addicts are addicted and some aren’t, and those who aren’t addicted obey bans and all other pogrom restrictions, while those who are disobey, despite the fact that gratifying their urgent and irresistible cravings provides them with absolutely no satisfaction on any level, but rather bores them, and even though the non-addicted addicts may really be more defiant in particular attitudes and behaviors than are the addicted addicts, or not, which suggests a statistically significant relationship between smoking, not smoking, dependence, non-dependence, and how are you, Mister Wilson?

Honest. Harvey the Six Foot Rabbit could have written this thing. It’s a few hops beyond Carroll or Orwell. The summary above is, essentially, what the paper says, in language screaming with psychotic incoherence, and with all the usual mad scientific proof: self-reports on defiance amongst hospital workers, of course deemed thoroughly reliable, and run through the authorized statistical meat grinder.

The results of such standard practice are always reekingly putrid but this particular piece of garbage deserves notice for its uncanny display of doublethink and Newspeak – a genuine perfection of incomprehensibility – and ultimately for its purely unintended but positively uproarious hilarity. It’s not that Anti is joking: she’s utterly humorless and couldn’t if she tried. It’s that Anti is a sick joke. Have a laugh. Keep defying. Buy bootleg. Survive the pogrom.



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