There is nothing left in California which has not been deemed carcinogenic by state authorities. Or so it seems. Richard Berman of suggests it might be sufficient to mandate that the state’s incessantly nagging warnings become truly ubiquitous, placed on billboards visible from every square inch its territory, to wit:

WARNING: The State of California contains chemicals known to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.

This, however, would surely conflict with widespread restrictions on billboards themselves. The solution is clear. There is no safe level and choice is, of course, an anathema. “Karloffornia” is no joke! Fear! Ban! Run for your lives, Californians! Your state must be evacuated and forgotten for the good of us all!



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