Well, here it is . . . Nicorrette and NicoDerm CQ distributor GlaxoSmithKline’s over-the-counter retail new diet pill, Alli. Now smacking around the fat ones to sell more drugs can begin in earnest, the campaign brewing well-developed a decade of experience with pushing smokers to munch nicotine gum in place of enjoying a smoke. Consumers are reportedly lapping ALLI up in record numbers. A fat blocker, the pill has a remarkable side effect: take a pill, eat high fat foods, and crap your pants. We can hear the workplace gossip at Advanced Social Marketing Concepts already . . .

“Did you see the brown patch on Mary’s pants when she got up to leave the staff meeting? Oh my God!” “Yup,” John comments, “I was wonderin’ what the smell was during the meeting, damn near made my eyes water!” Alice holds her nose and says, “I just thought someone laid a supreme SBD!” Human Resources Director Pristine C. Clean rolls her eyes and chimes in, “But the smell was roses compared to the reek of filthy tobacco smoke! Now you understand why I advocate such progressive work policies as smoking bans. By the way, everyone should try Alli. After all, it’s the “Healthy Lifestyles” thing to do and is included as an approved drug on our new corporate health plan!” What marvellous staff meetings those employees can look forward to. Rumor has it that the Alli Starter Kit box includes discount coupons for ten boxes of Depends. The preceding should be a breath of fresh air for Pristine Clean. She doesn’t even need to take the time to worry about someone lighting up in the next county to crap her drawers in abject fear about death from heart attack in 30 seconds or less. She can now comfortably drop a load in the privacy of her own office by taking the latest pharmaceutical pill in Social Marketing fads. Now there’s efficiency! Boy howdy, things could get downright interesting if ALLI is introduced as a nasal spray.

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