A dissatisfied customer speaks out.

Arabella Farquhar, a genteel lady of the South, has, with the gracious assistance of another Southern belle who happens to be literate, sought cigarette brands from the world over, choosing those which display the very most alarming health warnings she could find. Arabella, you see, has suffered a miserable marriage, resulting in miserable offspring, and a miserable life, all of which she cares to dispense with. Since her husband deserted her a decade ago she has been chain-smoking in confident expectation of blessed oblivion for herself and her annoying children. Although every cigarette pack stated clearly that it would kill them all, even specifying fatal diseases from active and “passive” smoking on many packs she bought in just such specific pursuit, she and her rug rats still suffer the plague of living, as year after year goes by. In the meantime numerous among her neighbors in non-smoking households have shed the mortal coil, so finally, Arabella is seeking justice. She is going to sue the tobacco companies for false advertising. In the meantime she has wisely turned to drink. We wish her the best of drunks, every good luck in court, and incidentally congratulate her on her wardrobe.

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