The endless torrent of trash science never dries up. Did you know that sitting is as bad as smoking?

As smoking is the top unproven worst thing there has ever been in the universe, you can decide whether sitting is extremely bad for you, or simply another thing to cherish, since the endlessly hysterical guff about smoking has never been demonstrated by real science, and it is just a matter of faith passed as science. It follows that if you believe that smoking is killing you, you must also believe that sitting is killing you, since junk scientists say that smoking = death = sitting = sunrays.

Does the sun kill you as a cigarette does? Does sitting down do the same? Sure: as all the rest of multifactorial epidemiology associations, that seems perfectly logical to us. After all,

If Paul smokes;
Since the train smokes;
Then Paul is a train.

So, now that you have embraced the ‘faith,’ you must exercise for an hour or two each day like every good believer should – kinda like going to church every Sunday, right?

Wrong and futile! ‘…[E]ven two hours of exercise a day would not compensate for "spending 22 hours sitting on your rear end". ‘ Are you listening? Are you scared? You’d better be: ‘The dire concern for the future may rest with growing numbers unaware of the potential insidious dangers of sitting too much.’

Get it now? If you want to be healthy don’t smoke, don’t drink and don’t eat – and don’t go to work either, as you will probably be sitting down. Rather, exist on unemployment insurance, spend sixteen hours a day exercising, and tell family and friends to go to Hell, for ‘exposure to sitting’ may be deadly. Remember: nothing is more important than health – not even science, civil society, national constitutions, or for that matter common sense, so you stand warned.

‘I view exposure to sitting… like an oncologist views exposure to unnecessary sunlight,’ says Professor Marc Hamilton of the University of Missouri. We would suggest Professor Hamilton consult with a professor of psychiatry, but then again, these days, they both might agree. All that is missing now is a ‘public health’ law that forbids sitting.

Don’t laugh: if you don’t stop them, they’ll get there.



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